


where the love lights gleam

by INTPSlytherin_reylove97



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anakin Was An Awful Grandather, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben and Rey have a Seven Year Age Gap, Ben is a Novelist, Christmas Fluff, Christmas fic, Divorce, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Angst, Family Secrets, Finn and Rey are adopted by Skywalker, Finn wants to be a Journalist, Forbidden Love, From Grandparent, Gen, Hux is not a great boyfriend, Internal Conflict, Lies, Minor Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Poe adopted by Han and Leia, Poe owns a bakery, Potential Gaslighting, Potential Toxic Relationship (Don't Worry It's Not Reylo), Rey and Luke have a Strained Relationship, Rey is a Student, Secret Relationship, Skywalker Family Drama, Skywalker Family Feels, Skywalker and Solo Cousins Have Issues With Each Other, They use to be best buddies but now they're not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-01-14 22:36:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INTPSlytherin_reylove97/pseuds/INTPSlytherin_reylove97
Summary: All Padme Naberrie Skywalker wanted was her family together for Christmas.Which apparently is more difficult than anyone anticipated.If only the Skywalker children and grandchildren could get their acts together for one holiday…Includes: Forbidden Love, fake dating, lies and incredibly untimely news.ON HIATUS: WILL RETURN IN THE FALL.





	1. Prologue ~ I'll Be Home For Chirstmas

**Author's Note:**

> A Christmas fic in April?
> 
> More likely than you'll think.
> 
> Typos fixed later.
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

 

**where the love lights gleam**

 

 

**Prologue: I'll Be Home for Christmas**

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**Ben** _

 

Face pressed into a stack of papers with scribbled and crossed out lines, his drool dripped lazily from his open mouth. A small puddle formed beneath his cheek, the ink of his writing blurring and spreading like a running creak. However, the slumbering man did not notice. Nor did he notice how his hand rested a little too close to his mug of cold coffee or the faint stench wafting from himself.

He’d gone almost a week without a shower.

Was that bad?

Probably.

Did he care?

Not really.

Sleep was a rare commodity for Ben Solo, or better known as popular science fiction novelist, Kylo Ren.

But sleep could wait.

He had a deadline to meet after all.

Nothing else mattered _but_ the deadline…

Which probably made things bad with his girlfriend, but she was understanding…at least he hoped she was understanding. Her response was difficult to decipher with her monosyllable text messages. Not to mention he fell asleep halfway through their last phone call.

Long distance was a bitch. But a bitch he endured because he loved her and honestly no one else could put up with his emotional, temperamental ass like her. Good thing he was visiting her for Christmas, because if he didn’t…well he didn’t think Skyping would cut it this go around. They Skyped for their anniversary last month, and well, it wasn’t the same no matter how much they showered each other with love and whispered sweet nothings. They were gross romance level love when separated for long periods of time, and yeah, he really missed her rolling her eyes at him in person and their arguments. It was easier to argue when the person you were arguing with was there with you.

But he often dreamed of her when he _did_ sleep. Nothing super exciting, really. Mostly just being together, walking together, side by side. She was always by his side in his dreams…close, never far and _just in arms reach_ …

A sharp shrill of his home phone roused him from his slumber. He jolted, hand spasming and knocking over his coffee. The dark liquid spilled over his hardwood floor, the thump and clatter of the porcine mug causing Ben to shoot up.

Frowning at his surroundings, he squinted. With one sleep clumsy hand, he adjusted his skewed glasses.

The shrill of his home phone sounded once more.

“ _Fuck_.”

Standing up, Ben’s bones popped and cracked, the cringeworthy sounds echoing in the closet size room. He wasn’t too sure how long he was out, but apparently long enough for his body to settle uncomfortably in the desk chair. He stretched his arms up as he shuffled unenthusiastically out of the room.

The light from the living room windows immediately hit him, Ben wincing from the impact. He rubbed his eyes, but colors still danced his vision sporadically. Blinded, he reached the kitchen counter and roughly pulled the phone off its cradle.

“Hello,” he said, swallowing a loud yawn. Absentmindedly, he scratched his head, only to pull back disgusted. His hair was exceedingly oily, a sheen of residue on his hand. Without thinking, he wiped his hand right hand on the front of his faded _Star Trek_ shirt.

“Ben, it’s Mom,” Leia Organa greeted diplomatically.

 _Shit_.

Ben groaned.  

“Mom, for the last time—I’m not coming home for Christmas.”

This was not the first call. Nor would this be the last call. And Ben was near the end of his patience with her. He loved his mother, truly. She loved and cared for him as best she could, even though it was less than subpar seventy-five percent of the time.

But he’d jump of a cliff before agreeing to go home for Christmas.

Furthermore, he was positive his brother and cousins would do the same.

“Benjamin, please. For the love of all that is mighty, come home for the holidays,” Leia ordered.

Clicking the speaker phone option, Ben set the phone on the counter. Hands now free, he went about making himself another pot of coffee. “In case you forgot, I have a deadline.”

Opening the cabinet above the coffee pot, Ben grabbed the coffee grounds and measuring up. Swiftly, he tossed out the old and sopping wet filter from the machine and replace it with a dry, thin filter.

“You’re a writer. You can write _anywhere_.” Her disdain felt like an old sweater—one Ben threw in the trash once it no longer fit over his shoulders.

With a practiced hand, Ben measured out the coffee ground and dumped them into the little basket. “That’s a gross misconception about my profession,” he droned, accustom to his mother’s lack of knowledge on his career. He was pretty sure she didn’t know _how_ his job worked, or if it was even _real_. Yet he did not have the time or energy to explain this to her, preferring to simply take her potentially ignorant comments.

“Fine,” Leia huffed, “If you don’t want to come home for me or your family, at least come home for Nana Paddy.”

Ben stilled by the refrigerator, about to grab his chilling Brita. “You did not seriously pull the ‘Nana Paddy’ card did you?” he shot back, deadpan. “Because that’s low, even for you Mom.”

“I am not ‘pulling some card’. She _honestly_ wants everyone there this year,” she declared tiredly. “Ben—you know it’s been hard for her this year. This is the first Christmas without Grandpa Ani.”

Holding his Brita, Ben paused at the mention of his grandpa. Anakin Skywalker was not the best man—anyone who knew him between the ages of thirty and eighty-three could testify the accusation. He was cruel, harsh, and didn’t really care for his children. He was neglectful and full of self-loathing, Ben hearing rants and moans about him from all members of his family growing up. The only people he seemed to genuinely care for were Nana Paddy and his grandchildren—a mild shock considering Ben was his only biological grandchild.

To say Ben was devastated over his grandfather’s death would be _generous_.

To say Ben was devasted for his grandmother due to her loss would be an _understatement_.

He looked up to the man for a time as a child, but it was noticeable Ben was never the favorite with him. No. That spot was solely reserved for Rey.

Biting his lip, Ben nodded. He then realized his mother couldn’t see him. “I know,” he muttered, pouring the water into the reserve.

“It would really make her happy, Ben,” Leia said, her voice full of hope. “And if you go, then everyone else will come too.”

“I think you have too much faith,” he mumbled, turning on the machine. He’d only seen his brother and cousins a handful of times, the last at their grandfather’s funeral. Other than that, it been minimal contact with few visits. They were all living their own lives, with their own responsibilities and obligations. The last time Ben held a conversation longer than a five minutes with Finn had been with they were both still teens. Poe occasionally visited, but always backed out of plans last minute. And Rey…well with Rey it was different. She lived a few states away; clearly they couldn’t spend time together due to distance.

“But it’s true. If your brother and cousins find out you’re going, they’ll all come. You _are_ the oldest, Ben. They’ve always followed your lead. And Nana Paddy will be so happy. Probably the happiest we’d see her in a long time.”

Closing his eyes, Ben inhaled deeply through his teeth. “You’ve gotten better at this guilt trip thing, Mom.”

“Is that a yes?”

Ben picked up the phone, taking it off speaker. Pressing the device to his ear, he said, “It’s a _maybe_. I’ll look at flights tonight.”

He prayed to god he did not make the wrong decision.

 

* * *

 

_**Poe** _

 

“That looks great—gender reveal, right?” Poe complimented his assistant, Snap. The small smash cake’s frosting swirled in abstract blue and pink marble, the inside filled with blue for the expecting couple coming in later that afternoon.

“Yup,” Snap called out. “I think this might be the best one yet. Smart call to start doing the cakes.”

While Poe enjoyed doing some traditional baking, preferring to use some classic recipes passed down to him from both his birth mother and his adoptive grandmother, he still needed to bring in some revenue. Which mean he need to appeal to the public a little more beyond bread, scones, and muffins. Cakes, specifically decorative cakes, seemed like the next logical answer.

Luckily, they cakes sold well and their other items were beginning to get more traffic, more often than not customers leaving with more items than they intended when visiting the little bakery on the corner.

While being a small business owner was not his initial career or dream vocation, it became his home and a passion. Commercial piloting had been fun in his early twenties, at least for a while. But it took him away from home, and left him exhausted and unfulfilled. The bakery on the other hand, it was a joy to interact with people on a daily basis and he always had a knack for being in the kitchen. After all, Nana Paddy only trusted him in the kitchen during the holidays.

Making his way to the back, Poe took off his apron, and dropped it in the laundry basket. While he didn’t technically have scheduled breaks, Poe was the owner and took a small one every few hours. Especially when his boyfriend decided to make a visit.

“I brought lunch,” Armitage Hux announced, carefully setting out the two carefully packaged meals on the break room table. “I made sure they didn’t have the mushrooms in your pasta,” he assured Poe, leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Awe, thanks,” Poe greeted before sitting down. “I thought you had to work late—?”

Hux shrugged taking a seat beside his boyfriend of two years. “I was able to get away for a little bit. I know we haven’t been able to see each other much recently because of the case but it looks like we might be heading towards the end— _thankfully_ ,” the ginger haired man sighed, his exhaustion evident under his eyes. “Which is good news, might be able to actually spend Christmas with each other.”

Picking his fork, Poe pushed his food around with a budding grin. “That is the plan.”

His phone then buzzed, shaking on the table. Not bothering to pick up the phone, Poe saw the text message briefly flash on the top of the screen.

 

_ BIG-BIG BRO _

_Mayday. Incoming._

 

“What is it?” Hux asked, chewing his pasta primavera thoughtfully.

Poe shook his head. “Nothing. Just my brother being weird.”

His phone buzzed again.

Could he not eat his food peacefully?

 

_ BIG-BIG BRO _

_Seriously._

 

_ BIG-BIG BRO _

_Mom’s going to call you any second._

 

“Shit,” Poe mumbled. Ungracefully, he dropped his fork down in the to-go box.

Just then his phone lit up, the picture of his mother on display as it rang.

Huffing, Poe picked it up, sending an apologetic smile to his boyfriend. “Hey, Mom,” he said full of enthusiasm. “How are you?”

Beside him, Armitage rolled his eyes, noticing the fakeness in Poe’s voice immediately.

“Hun, I’m just calling to check in, see if you have any finalized plans for the holidays.”

“Plans for the holidays?” Poe echoed, sending a nervous glance to his boyfriend. “Um, I thought I already told you I’m swamped with business for the holidays and I wouldn’t be able to make it this year.”

“Well, you Nana Paddy has been asking if you all will be making it for Christmas,” his mother prompted, coating her words nicely with demand and little room for argument.

“But Mom—”

“It’s been a rough year Nana Paddy, you know that,” she reminded him sadly.

Poe chewed on the inside of his cheek, nodding along. “I…I know. I do call her.”

“And she’d love it all her grandchildren came—”

“Mom, I’d love to but—”

“Ben’s coming,” she supplied readily, stopping Poe’s next excuse before it could leave his mouth.

He blinked. Did he hear her correctly? Because he swore he just heard… “Ben? As in Ben Solo? _My older brother Ben_?

“ _Yes_ ,” his mother declared happily. “He agreed to come over for Christmas. And if Ben can make it, then I think you can make it.”

“Yeah…” Poe shook his head, mentally cursing Ben. “Of course. That makes _perfect_ sense.”

Overhearing the conversation, Armitage’s face dropped, turning ever so slightly away from Poe. He was visibly upset, his mouth in a sharp pout.

Well, this certainly fucked up the couple’s Christmas plans.

 

* * *

 

_**Finn** _

 

Slumping in his office chair, Finn clicked on the Twitter tab again.

And then closed it.

And then opened it again.

And then closed it.

And then open it again.

And—

“Dude, seriously—just write a listicle,” Rose called out from the other side of the cubicle. “I can hear you clicking tabs open and close from the other side of this janky wall.”

“I have a journalism degree, and here I am at _CantoBight_ writing quizzes and listicles while simultaneously stalking celebrity Twitter to see if Chrissy Teigen has a ‘ Twitter moment’.”

“Your point?” Rose called out, her voice slightly muffled from the short cubicle wall.

Finn fell back in his chair, spinning to face the wall. His eyes caught a photo of him, his sister, and their cousins—one of the few groups photos they took as kids. It must have been at least eleven years ago, Finn no older than thirteen and his sister _maybe_ twelve? Poe and Ben looked like near adults, both eighteen and nineteen respectively. It was weird to think they were all close at one point, spending all their breaks together and sending emails, calls, and texts.

Now, he’d be lucky if he got a ‘like’ from his own sister on Instagram.

“I should be reporting hard hitting journalism…not this trivial stuff,” he bemoaned, looking away from the photo. “I wanted to give the little man a voice.”

He always liked the idea of journalism, and exposing the truth, yet it was difficult to find a job that would take a chance on him, even after all his internships and assistantships. It made his wonder if he’d ever have the opportunity to work on a story besides what the most popular flavor of _Ben & Jerry’s_ ice cream was for 2019.

From the other side, Rose huffed. Some movement was heard, her head then popping up above the wall a moment later. Her understanding smile made him feel a little bit better, though her words had the opposite effect. “Finn, I have a degree in _engineering_ , yet here I am editing a video on t-shirt hacks.” She shrugged. “Sure we are not doing what we hoped for…but it is a job and it is with a well know company.”

“But is it worth it?” he said, gazing up at the ceiling.

“That sound like a personal question, buddy,” she said bluntly. “Some quarter-life crisis material right there—hey,” she face lit up, “why don’t you make a listicle on the signs of a quarter-life crisis!”

Finn shook his head, but sat up and began searching for articles on the topic.

She smiled brightly at him and ducked back into her cubicle without so much of a goodbye. She’d probably pop over to him later when she did her caffeine run in a couple of hours.

As he clicked on an article from some ivy league university study, Finn heard his phone vibrate. Blindly he reached for his phone, swiping it and pressing it to his ear as he continued to scroll through the search results with palpable disdain.

“Hello?” he droned.

“Finn!” the familiar voice of his aunt called out. “How is my favorite nephew?”

“I’m your only nephew,” he remarked with an unamused sigh, “but I’m okay. Why?”

“Just wanted to check in and see if you and your girlfriend were planning on coming for Christmas this year,” she asked, her tone evidently expecting him to tell her good news.

Finn felt his stomach drop at the mention of a _girlfriend_. A girlfriend he did not have, nor did he ever have. A little predicament he never had the need to resolve.

“Uh…” he searched his brain for a decent answer, but came up short. So he went along with the next easiest thing…” She and I are great. Absolutely great, three years going strong!”

“Oh, that’s great,” Leia sighed happily. “So I’m taking that as a yes, you are both coming?”

“Yes, of course!” Finn boasted with a cringe. Once again, his lies were catching up with him.

“Great!” Leia cheered with relief, saying a quick goodbye and hanging up.

Dropping his phone on his lap, Finn let his head fall to his desk. Loudly, he groaned, “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Do you really want me to list them?” Rose called out.

“ _No_!”

 

* * *

 

_**Rey** _

 

Rubbing her eyes, Rey focused on the laptop screen. Words blurred together as she scrambled to get the paper done. After taking a year and a half off—much to her father’s chagrin—she was finally finishing her degree in sociology. Of course she still had a few Gen Eds to take, her school making it nearly impossible to get the simple classes done within the first two years, and her history paper was slowly draining the life out of her.

Maybe she needed to take a break…go for a walk, get some coffee down the street. Maybe call her boyfriend, see if he was awake, or better yet, surviving his own version of hell. With that in mind, she closer her laptop, planning to get back to work after an hour.

Digging through her bedsheet and covers, Rey found her phone. She kept it on silent as she worked, mostly to prevent any distractions. Pressing the home button, her screen lit up, showing several missed calls.

_Leia_

_Leia_

_Leia_

_Lover Boy <3_

Without a second thought, Rey called her aunt back.

She only got half way through the third ring when her aunt picked up. “Rey! I’m glad you called back,” Leia greeted.

Rey yawned, rubbing her face with her palm. “Uh yeah—sorry for not picking up. Swamped with school work, you know.” She yawned again, barely propping herself up with her mountain of pillows.

“Don’t worry about it—I just wanted to ask if you’d be coming home for Christmas?”

Biting her lower lip, Rey struggled to find a way to break the news. “Actually Aunt Leia, I might not—”

“All the boys are coming,” Leia announced excitedly with a hint of relief, “Poe, Finn and his girlfriend, and even Ben—”

“Ben’s going?” Rey interrupted, puzzled by this news. As far as she knew, Ben avoided going home for the holidays.

“Yes, even Ben. They all want to make Nana Paddy’s first Christmas without Grandpa Ani special; she deserves it.” If there was one thing Leia knew how to do, it was lay the guilt thick.

“Um…I guess since _everyone_ is apparently going,” Rey rolled her eyes on that new fact. “I guess I can go too. Just need to get a ticket.”

“Great, I can’t wait for all of you to be here together.”

“Oh,” Rey uttered, cringing with frustration and disappoint, “I can’t wait either.”

Once the phone call ended, Rey sent a quick text to _Lover Boy <3:_

 

_So there was a change of plans…_

 

 


	2. It's Just Like Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traveling and bring along significant other's can be tiring endeavors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! :)
> 
> Forewarning--they are not the most likable protagonists, but I love 'em that way.
> 
> Typos fixed later! 
> 
> Enjoy

**where the love lights gleam**

 

**It's Just Like Christmas**

* * *

 

_“By the time we got to Oslo_

_Snow was gone_

_And we got lost_

_The beds were small_

_But we felt so young_

_It was just like Christmas_

_It was just like Christmas_

_It was just like Christmas”_

_It Was Just Like Christmas_ by Low

 

* * *

 

 

**_Poe_ **

 

“You’re not seriously going?” Armitage demanded, arms crossed over his chest. He pouted petulantly, Poe resisting the urge to pull the man teasingly into his arms. However, he had a suitcase to pack.

He shrugged apologetically. “Babe, I told my mom I’d be there.” Poe crossed to his dresser, pulling out a couple of turtle neck sweaters, navy blue, dark orange, and green. “I can’t say no to my grandma—”

“I thought your family was the bane of your existence,” Armitage questioned, raising a sharp eyebrow. “How your grandfather practically disowned you when you came out—”

Turning to his boyfriend, Poe stared at him straight on. “He’s _dead_ now, and my grandma would never—” he shook his head, “My grandma is the most compassionate woman on this planet. She still calls me and checks in—she cares and I can’t let her down.”

Grandpa Ani was not the most accepting of his family, out right ignoring Poe after he came out as bisexual in his teens. The old bastard acted as though Poe wasn’t even in the room, addressing only Finn, Ben, and Rey during family gatherings. At some point along the way, Poe got fed up with his treatment and the general lack of action on his behalf, and decided to simply not return home for the holidays. Occasionally he’d visit Ben, or get a random meme from Finn, but Poe could not for the life of him remember the last time he and Rey had a real conversation beyond pleasantries. She’d never been particular fond of him—hell she’d never been fond of any one except _maybe_ Finn.

She’d be a bit of brat; understandable she was Grandpa Ani’s favorite.

“But what about our Christmas plans?” Armitage insisted. “We had plans, Poe.”

“And plans change,” Poe reminded him as he entered the in-suite bathroom. He grabbed his toothbrush and hairbrush, tossing them into his suitcase. He could buy the rest of his toiletries once he was back in his hometown. He then went to his closet, grabbing a pair of shoes and two pairs of jeans. “If you are so upset, why don’t you come along?”

“Go with you?” Armitage uttered with complete distaste. “You want me to go with you?”

“Why not?” Poe implored, stuffing the rest of his belongings haphazardly into his suitcase. “Without my grandfather there, it won’t be as bad. The worst that can happen is Rey and Ben get into a fight over something trivial, or he insults her.”

Armitage frowned, lost by the names. “Rey and Ben?”

Poe huffed, rubbing his eyes. “My cousin and brother—they were _awful_ to each other growing up. I think it was a jealousy thing, always compared to one another. I don’t know they were always fucking weird about it,” he said with a shake of his head. “But they are the worst in the bunch—everyone else will probably keep to themselves.”

“I don’t know…” Armitage muttered. “I’ve never met them…I feel a little uncomfortable meeting them now after all this time.”

“All the more reason to come,” Poe declared, “And my parent’s place is just a few miles away from the mountains—we’ll actually have a white Christmas. Come on—doesn’t that sound awesome?”

“I guess.” The ginger agree reluctantly, shifting from foot to foot. “I’ll have to do some work while were there…maybe a conference call or two, but I _suppose_ I can go.”

Poe beamed at him. “You’ll love it!”

 

* * *

 

 

_**Rey**  _

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_My flight leaves in a few. Call you when I'm there._

 

Picking up her nearly empty coffee cup, Rey surveyed her surroundings. The train station was pretty empty at five in the morning, except for a few business men half asleep on the pleather waiting area seats. She sipped the last few drips sparingly, hoping the coffee would spark some energy in her. 

Her duffle bag sat by her feet and her backpack resting in the empty seat beside her. She packed only necessities, hoping she'd only have to be there until Christmas Eve before uttering excuses to leave. She did have plans that were inevitably cancelled because sometimes she needed to be a decent person.

And decent people went to spend Christmas with their family the year their grandfather died. 

Even if said grandfather was an asshole.

Because he was and if no one else was going to say it Rey would gladly do so when they said grace over dinner. Because apparently they were only religious during the holidays, and had to abide by traditions none of them truly understood or upheld.

Her phone vibrated.

 

_ Dad-Walker _

_Uncle Han will be picking you up. Stay safe!_

 

Frowning, she swiped the message away, not bothering to mark it 'read'. She was still a good eight hours away from seeing her family, her train not coming in until 5:45AM. She didn’t want to bother speaking to anyone now when she’d be stuck in a house with them for a _week_. She’d use her few hours of solace to her advantage.

Her father…could be a bit much. Not necessarily over bearing, but nosey and pessimistic. He’d be joyful about seeing her leading up to her visit, sending her messages of safe travels and plans. However the moment she stepped foot back into his house, she was bothersome. He didn’t spend time with her as he declared in his numerous text messages and emails, reverting to his reclusive tendencies. When they did interact, he was hostile, questioning all her life choices.

_Did you really need to take a gap year, Rey?_

Yes. University was slowly crushing her soul. She wasn’t a theoretical learner, not like Ben or Finn. She need to be active and see it visually and kinesthetically to truly understand. Her head in books did little to help her if she did not know how to apply the concepts into her life.

_What did you even do during all that time? For a year and a half you were practically missing in action._

Traveling, being her own person, actually having a relationship that wasn’t only long distance.

_I swear, it is like I don’t even know you anymore._

Maybe her father didn’t. And maybe she was okay with that because she didn’t want to bother with his bullshit anymore unless absolutely necessary. Their last face to face conversation led to her transferring to a different university to finish her degree and going nearly three months without speaking to him.

She broke their silence to at least attend the funeral back in May.

Her father didn’t even look at her.

Did she purposely pick a cheaper and longer route because she wanted to prolong seeing her father? 

Maybe. 

But at least she had the excuse she was a broke college student, therefore no one could give her a hard time about her travel itinerary.

Hell, she was positive she would be one of the first to arrive considering she was the closest. But Ben would probably get there sooner, his flight from Washington only a couple of hours long.

Poe and Finn on the other hand...well she honestly did not know what to expect from them. The last time she called Finn was for his birthday a couple of months back, and it went straight to voicemail. And Poe...well Rey didn't even bother with Poe.

Checking the time, Rey pursed her lips. She had time to spare...

Opening up her Twitter, she typed in 'Finn Storm,' her brother's name popping up before she finished typing. 

But it wasn't his personal-- it was his company mandated profile. All clean and glossy, his picture resembling a headshot. His posts were links to articles and listicles he made with _CantoBight_. None of his other published work. Scrolling through his personal info, there wasn't an inkling towards a relationship or anything noteworthy.

Hitting a dead end, she checked Instagram…only to fall under the same trap. Filtered, sun shining photos, where Finn was barely visible or practically airbrushed. An image of perfection she knew too good to be true.

Sniffing at the lack of personality on the profile, she searched for Poe…only to stumble on his cat’s Instagram and _only_ his cat’s Instagram.

Figures.

He’d always been tight lip about his life since Grandpa Ani ignored his very presence. While Poe was never her favorite person, she felt for him, even if she didn’t quite understand what had happened at the time. She’d only been nine at the time and Ben was the only one who had the heart to explain anything to her during those days.

She recalled trying to hug Poe after Ben explained how Grandpa Ani was _wrong_ and mean—to only be shoved off with a grumble.

She shouted ‘ _fuck you’_ at him, her dad over hearing. As punishment, she had to sit in the bathroom with a bar of soap in her mouth for a few hours.

In retaliation, she told her father she _loved_ the taste of soap and would _gladly_ do it again.

She was grounded for a week due to her sass.

Shaking her head, Rey opened her contacts once more sending a message to _Lover Boy <3—_

_Boarding train soon._

_See you in hell, dear._

She killed a few minutes, she might as well wait outside for her departure.

 

* * *

 

**_Ben_ **

 

“No—you don’t understand,” Ben said leaning against the counter for support, “I rented a car for the _entire week_ —”

“Sir, it seems as though we were double booked,” the woman explained, this apparently not the first time she had to share this bad news. “All our vehicles have been rented for the holiday season—”

“But I have the receipt,” he argued, fumbling with his phone to pull up the email. He swiped away the message from _Scavenger <3, _and pulled up the email. “See, I am supposed to have a car waiting for me—”

The woman kept her polite smile, but her nostrils flared as she attempted to maintain her composure. “Sir, I understand, but we physically do not have any vehicles with us. With your receipt we can give you a full refund and a voucher—”

“I don’t want a fucking voucher, I want a car because my family will drive me insane if I do not have an escape—a car is an escape,” he glanced down at her name tag, “Mindy—a car is an escape. A machine to get you far, far away from people who will make you feel like shit or make you want to drink until you are passed out. Neither of those are healthy—so I need a car.”

The woman, Mindy, nodded slowly before excusing herself to the back.

Watching her go, Ben slumped on the counter, barely holding himself up.

Three hours of sleep.

 _Three fucking hours of sleep_.

Only three hours of sleep in the last fifty-four hours and he was sure he was going to pass out any second or break the nose of the next person who tried to talk to him.

His flight was too short to get proper sleep. To rub salt on the wound, he couldn’t even rest his eyes for the faintest of moments because he was seated between a mother with her baby and an elderly woman who wore too much perfume. Luck was not on his side, and his  lack of car made the situation become all the more aggravating.

“Wow—well, if it isn’t Ben Solo,” a cocky voice teased from behind him. “My oh-so-pleasant older brother,” the charming and warm voice of Poe Dameron greeted tauntingly.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Ben inhaled deeply.

_He would not punch Poe. He would not punch Poe. He would not punch Poe. He would not punch Poe—_

He would not punch Poe in _public_.

Turning around, Ben tried to smile. However the expression formed into a grimace, unable to genuinely smile due to his complete and utter exhaustion.  

Poe looked… _old_.

Was that a polite thing to think?

Probably not. But it was the truth. He looked incredibly older, it being a few good years since the brother’s saw each other face to face. Naturally Poe didn’t attend Grandpa Ani’s funeral, Ben only getting a quick call from his younger brother before the casket viewing. Mostly to ask him to make sure to whisper curses to the man’s corpse.

Ben didn’t, but he told Poe he did. Because that’s what good siblings did sometimes—you lied for the sake of your brothers mental and emotional health.

But wow—Poe already had _grey_ in his hair? And he was what— _twenty-eight_? Ben didn’t even have grey in his hair, and he was older, never slept, and drank caffeine like it was going out of style. If anyone should have grey hair, it should be Ben. Not Poe.

His eyes drifted to the mustard color sweater Poe wore and his corduroy brown khakis, resembling some downtrodden history professor who still had a weed dealer instead of just getting medicinal.

And the beard—Ben didn’t even want to reflect on _that_.

All he needed was tiny wire glasses, and Poe would look like the part to a T.

 _What the fuck happened to his brother_?

“Poe,” he said, though feeling out of his own body. His eyes then traveled to the posh ginger haired man standing beside his brother. He looked less than thrilled to be in a tiny airport near the center of California—he didn’t blame him, it was sort of a shitty time of year. The sky was permanently a strange grey overcast color where you could never tell if it would rain or just amount to annoying fog. Not to mention it would be another two hours before any of them would meet their destination.  “And Poe’s current flavor of the month,” he nodded to him, ignoring the indignant scoff from the man. He quirked an eyebrow at his brother. “I never knew you were into red heads.”

Glowering at him, Poe marched over to Ben. He gave him a brotherly pat on his arm, sending the ginger a bright—unbelievably _fake_ —smile. “Buddy—you have not changed at all,” he then lowered his voice, gritting out, “This is my boyfriend for the last two years— _don’t fuck it up_ for me.”

Ben’s eyebrows shot up.

Huh.

Lifting his head, he caught sight of the ginger dude again.  He stood stiffly in the waiting area, scrolling through his phone with a resting sneer.

He wore a suit. A clearly expensive suit, on a flight. On a flight to Central California, to eventually take a two hour drive to the mountains…where there would be _snow_. And the not the pretty kind that movies loved to show, but the hard icy stuff that made him cry out in pain when Rey threw a vicious snowball at him during the winters growing up.

He must have been a city kid somewhere warm, because there was no way he’d survive the week dressed like he was going to some board meeting.

No wonder Poe looked older—his boyfriend probably sucked all the life and joy out of him.

Swallowing, Ben peered down at Poe again. Might as well try to make the best out of the situation, his brother’s untimely arrival an unforeseen godsend.  “What’s your plan to get out of here? My rental didn’t come through.”

Poe opened his mouth, his eyes already apologizing before the words could tumble out. “Um, I think Luke?” Ben’s face fell. Of course, it’d be Luke. “Mom said she’d send someone, and she mentioned Luke was coming today as well and it is on the way—”

Rubbing his eyes with the meat of his palm, Ben muffled his groan. “How long?”

“Uh—he should be here in,” Poe checked his watch, nodding to himself, “Maybe two or three more hours. He gets off work soon and you know, traffic,” he shrugged a little sheepishly. His eyes scanned Ben’s face, cringing at him. “And not to be rude, but bro, you look like shit.”

“This is what three fucking hours of sleep in three days looks like,” Ben muttered, shoving past Poe to the row of chairs. “Pick up my voucher for me—I’m taking a nap.” He announced, dropping his satchel and suitcase by a chair.

Unceremoniously, he sat down. His arms crossed over his chest, and legs stretched out before him. The plastic chair was uncomfortable and squeaked, but Ben would make do. Fitfully, he closed his eyes for hopeful rest.

 

* * *

 

**_Finn_ **

 

“Wow—your family sounds like…” Rose winced, picking up her coffee idly. Her painted red nails tapped rhythemically on the rim of her cup, thinking deeply over everything he just shared with her.

They decided to grab coffee before work, Rose’s treat. His co-worker noticed how distressed he’d been the previous day and insisted on buying him a coffee in exchange for knowing what caused him to be a puddle of anxiety.

“Shit?” he said glumly, picking at his croissant.

“Like it’s _complicated_ ,” she finished, patting his forearm sympathetically.  “I mean, your grandfather seemed to be terrible to all of you.”

“He was,” Finn nodded. “Especially to Poe.”

“And Rey and Ben—I don’t understand that dynamic. Rivals, but it just doesn’t make sense considering the age difference, and they were oddly similar—”

“We don’t try to understand it,” he supplied with a shrug. “We just let them do their weird arguing.”

“And your Dad—”

He winced, picking up his drink. “He’s not that bad—”

“He never showed you or Rey affection,” Rose argued, “He adopted you two, yet didn’t even give you the love you both clearly deserve,” she said heatedly, her cheeks flushing from her impassioned words. “It’s a miracle you two aren’t emotionally stunted!”

“Eh,” Finn tilted his head side to side, “that’s still up for debate considering I am a pathological liar to my family and my sister likes to go MIA for months at a time and not tell anyone of her whereabouts.”

Rose pressed her lips together, huffing through her nose. “Maybe you have a point. You did tell your aunt you’re bringing a girlfriend, and last time I checked over the cubicle wall—you are single as a pringle, my friend.”

“I know,” he groaned, his head lulling pathetically to the side.

It wasn’t as though he was _always_ a liar.

In fact, lies did not start spouting out of his mouth until he was somewhere in his teens. And it was just little things.

 _Yes_ , he ate all his food and did not feed it to the dog.

 _No_ , he did not accidently leave the facet running. That was Rey.

 _Yes_ , he went to tutoring instead of videogame club, even though he didn’t need a tutor for history.

He didn’t do it purposefully. Finn wanted to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth. But it seemed like telling the truth had its consequences. Like getting soap in the mouth, or grounded, or sent to extra-curriculars he had no interest in to get his ‘aggression’ out.

Okay, maybe that was all Rey—but hey, if Rey was honest and that happened to her? No way in hell was he going to tell the truth or let his dad privy to his thoughts and opinions.

“I mean, how hard can it be to find a girl and say she is your girlfriend?” Rose joked, her giggles filling the coffee shop. “Just tell them everything you told me, and I bet anyone would help you out.”

Getting anyone to be his girlfriend? That would take forever, even if he just wanted someone to stand there and look pretty as his girlfriend. Why would he get _anyone_ when he could—

Finn’s head shot up, a large relieved grin forming.

Oh, this could _work_.

Across from him, Rose blinked, puzzled by his one-eighty reaction. “Hey are you okay—”

“Why would I get anyone, when I can just get you?” he declared enthusiastically.

His co-worked and friend’s face scrunched up, she peering at him with disbelief. “Finn, what are you talking about?”

“Be my fake girlfriend,” he said, his voice low and brimming with excitement.

Rose gaped at him, her mouth struggling to form words. “Excuse me?”

“Be my fake girlfriend,” he repeated, Rose raising an eyebrow but not objecting. Finn took this as a good sign. “Think about it—we’re already friends,  you know about my shitty family, and you are a wonderful person.”

A small smile peeked from her, Rose suddenly becoming bashful. Ducking her head away, she tucked a lose hair behind her ear. “Oh, uh, thank you—”

“My family would adore you, especially my Aunt Leia and Nana Paddy,” he continued, already forming together the story he and Rose could tell everyone. “It would be perfect!”

“Uh—Finn,” Rose interjected, “While, I’d love to help you—it is really out there and I am not comfortable with lying—”

“I’ll edit your next five video’s you’re assigned,” he blurted out, desperate for her help.

He knew how much she despised video editing, and preferred to do the fun modern science articles she pitched at the weekly meetings. She was usually given the greenlight when she had the time to research and present the topic, though she’d been having less time in recent weeks from the slew of layoffs and work overload.

Her eyes widen. “What—you’d really do that?”

Finn sat up, holding his hand out. “Absolutely. If you help me, please?”

Sighing, Rose closed her eyes holding her hands up. “I’ll say yes if—” Finn waited with baited breath, “—if you promise to at least enjoy yourself this holiday, even if your family really is as shitty as you say.”

Biting in the inside of his cheek, Finn nodded in agreement. He could try for Rose.

Beaming, Rose took his offered hand, giving it a firm shake. “Alright fake-boyfriend, let’s make your family fall in love with me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...some interesting dynamics between our characters. Lots of hostility and distance. I CANT WAIT FOR THEM ALL TO BE IN THE SAME PLACE.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated; love discussing the fic with readers :)


	3. All The Lights Are Coming On Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brothers stuck in a car together, texts are exchanged, and ladybug pillows are hugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!
> 
> Typos will be fixed later :D
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

 

**where the love lights gleam**

 

**All the Light Are Coming On Now**

 

* * *

 

"All the lights are coming on now

How I wish that it would snow now

I don't feel like going home now

I wish that I could stay"

 _The Christmas Song_ by The Ravonettes

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**_Poe_ **

****

"Why didn't you ever tell me," Armitage muttered with a shake of his head, nose up in the air.

Poe frowned, at a loss as to why his boyfriend was once again giving a cold response. "Tell you what?"

"How hot your brother is," Armitage grumbled. Shifting, he sat taller in the squeaky chair, thin lips curling down. His eyes drifted to Ben, sitting a few seats away, already unconscious. "He's looks like an Adonis."

"He's an asshole," Poe countered, arms crossed over his chest. He slumped in his chair, tired and bothered by how greedily his boyfriend eyed his brother. "He has always been a moody prick, and he is self-destructive. Sometimes I think he prefers to wallow in his own depression."

Armitage became solemn at the comment. “He’s depressed?”

“He used to be—” Poe explained, feeling a little exposed for admitting his brother’s flaws and scars. Pursing his lips, he watched over Ben’s figure. The massive man breathed slowly, his chest rising and falling in a lulling pattern; probably the first in days.

Ben never slept well. Not even as a kid, riddled with nightmares and anxious thoughts. Nana Paddy claimed their grandfather was the same way, Ben similar to dear old Anakin. From the fits of anger, to the longing and pain in his dark eyes, Ben Solo had too much of Anakin Skywalker in him for anyone to feel entirely comfortable around him. Even their grandfather pushed the poor kid away, not happy to see his reflection in someone so young.

Poe suddenly felt the need to correct his earlier statement. “I don’t know if he is now—I shouldn’t even say he was depressed because he really wasn’t…he just had… _issues_.”

His vague words did not ease with Armitage, who continued to glance at Ben.

“Hm,” he exhaled, turning back to Poe, “It’s a pity; he’d make a fine catch if he wasn’t so problematic.” Without another word, he lifted his phone and continued to work from the device.

Unintentionally, Poe bristled at the remark. It was one thing for him to insult his brother—he’d been doing it for the majority of his life—but it was another to hear it from someone else. Even if that someone else happened to be his longtime boyfriend. Over twenty years of life outweighed the two years and two minutes Armitage knew Poe and Ben.

“He’s…not that bad,” Poe said stiltedly, sitting straighter than before. He clasped his hands on his lap, his eyes dancing between Armitage and Ben. “He’s a writer.”

“A bohemian profession I presume?” Armitage muttered the assumption, not amused.

Poe frowned. “No—he is published and has been on the bestseller list for weeks. He actually made a career out of it,” he said sharply, ignoring the blossom of pride in his chest of his older brother’s accomplishments.

Armitage hummed, though did not look up from his work. “Interesting,” he mumbled off handedly.

Realizing he already lost Armitage to work and his devices, dropped the conversation. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he stared hard out the window. The usual winter overcast sky shielded the sun, a dim light shadowed over the city. The parking lot was full and people passed by, rushing to their loved ones waiting outside or in the waiting area.

A few feet away, an older woman, presumably a mother, was waiting. periodically checking her phone. She paced the glass doors with nervously, a bounce in her step. Within moments a boy—no older than fifteen then came running past the waiting area to her. With a rough drop, the duffle bag fell off his shoulder and he wrapped her in a tight embrace.

Watching from afar, Poe felt his lips twitch at the heartwarming scene. It was strange to see children and parents and loved ones run up to each other with unrivaled energy, beaming with joy.

Poe could not remember the last time he reacted in such a way.

* * *

 

 

**_Ben_ **

 

“Hey—get up.”

Poe’s rough shake of the shoulder did little to force Ben to open his eyes.

Ben had been awake for about fifteen minutes, but he wouldn’t want to let everyone around him know that. If his brother and his brother’s boyfriend knew he was awake, Ben could have been coerced into small talk with the couple.

Ew.

Poe in a potentially _loving_ and _committed_ relationship was a concept Ben could not wrap his brain around. Mostly because Poe, for the longest time, had a revolving door of hook-ups and partners. He’s fall in love with anyone for an instant and got for the chase to have the time of his life.

Growing up, Poe was a charmer with a cocktail of insecurities only a few were privileged to witness. He cared a little too much about his appearance and practice pick-up lines in the mirror before school. He dressed to impress, but still somehow achieved the ‘laidback’ style everyone chased after in their teens. He wasn’t a man to be tied down, nor one who liked to be sought after—Poe Dameron liked doing the work to get the guy or girl.

To see him nearly covered from head to toe, constricted by the weasel faced ginger beside him…it was odd, if not the slightest bit concerning.

A logical side of Ben declared maybe Poe had changed. After all, they hadn’t seen each other in roughly three years. One thousand and ninety-five days. Enough time for someone to change, grow, become a new person.

It was _normal_.

Then again Ben hadn’t changed all that much in three years. He still wore the same brown leather jacket he had since he received his first paycheck from book sales, and preferred to wear his shoes until the sole gave out. He drank his coffee with a spoonful of sugar and nothing more and The Smiths remained his favorite band, his stance unwavering on their music. He was in a relationship three years ago and it was still going strong now, and his career steadily carried on, not tearing him into a conceited prick like he’d seen happen to several in his cohort.

Ben slowly blinked his eyes open, his eyes struggling to adjust to the light.

He couldn’t sleep restfully three years ago. Now…well sleep was _better_ than before.

Maybe he did change and he just didn’t see it.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone and typed—

 

_Have I changed in the last three years?_

The three little dots appeared at the bottom of the message, she typing back.

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Ben._ **

**_Are you drunk?_ **

 

Scoffing, he typed a quick _no_ and _nevermind_ , pocketing his phone as Poe made his way back to him.

“Dude, Luke is here, we’re just waiting on you,” he said wearily, rubbing his eyes with two finger.

“Oh,” Ben uttered, feeling his cheeks flush. Standing up quickly, he picked up his belongings and began to follow Poe out the glass doors. “Sorry—lack of sleep because—”

“I don’t care,” Poe grumbled, “Just sit shotgun and please don’t make this drive worse than it has to be.” With those words, he rushed to the other side of old, burgundy 1997 Toyota Camry parked in the pick-up lane.

“Nice to see you became the jackass I always knew you were,” Ben muttered darkly to himself as he hurried over to the trunk of the car. Ignoring the honking horns of both his Uncle and the cars behind him, Ben placed his luggage in the back with Poe’s and Ginger Demon’s matching suitcases.

Ben gagged at the sight—they were one of _those_ couples.

Closing the trunk, Ben took a couple of strides and swung open the passenger side door.

“Hey there Sleeping Beauty,” Luke greeted with a forced smile. Wrinkles pulled on his face, and his blue eyes shined with affection yet misgiving—as though expecting the worst, but hoping for the best.

“Hi Uncle,” Ben said with a huff, sitting down and shutting the door behind him. He quickly buckled up, his legs crowded in the small car.

“Poe said you were taking a nap—not getting enough sleep still?” Luke implored with a disappointed air. “You know Grandpa Ani was the same—never slept, never ate—please tell me you are at least eating, Ben.”

Biting harshly on the inside of his cheek and clenching his fists in his jacket pockets, Ben nodded twice. Only took less then a minute before getting compared to Grandpa Ani— _again_. A new record.

“Oh, good. Your mother would be happy to hear that.” Luke slowly pulled out of the pick-up lane, waving to those who honked at him like he was some sort of public figure.

Leaning against the window, Ben rolled his eyes.

Leave it to Poe to make sure Ben felt unbearably awkward while sitting beside Uncle Luke.

 

* * *

 

****

**_Lover Boy & Scavenger_ **

 

 

_****Lover Boy <3 _

_This visit is going to be shit._

_I am in a car with Poe, his boyfriend (when the fuck did Poe get a boyfriend?)_

_AND Luke._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Wow._ **

**_Poe has a boyfriend?_ **

**_Like a REAL boyfriend._ **

**_not some hook up that decided to stick around?_ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_Yes._

_REAL._

_Two years’ worth of real._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Sneak a pic?_ **

**_Just so I can know what to expect._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I’m in the passenger seat._

_If I tried to take a picture, they’d notice._

_Immediately._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Because you don’t know how to be discreet._ **

**_Just act like you are taking a selfie or something._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_Need I remind you who you are talking to?_

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Right._ **

**_Sorry._ **

**_Stupid Request._ **

****

****

****

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_I guess give me a general profile?_ **

**_Hair, height, personality?_ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_His name is Armitage Hux._

_Redhead, stuck-up, British (?)_

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I can’t really decipher and I am not going to ask._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Hmmmmmm._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_Apparently, he’s a lawyer._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Then why the hell is he dating someone like Poe?_ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I don’t know._

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I’ve stopped asking myself that question when Poe somehow had three dates to prom and successfully got away with it._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_There must be something wrong with him._ **

****

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_The ginger._ **

****

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Not Poe._ **

**_We all know there is definitely something wrong with Poe._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_Thanks for the clarification  -_-_

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_Forewarning: Poe looks old._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Of course, he looks old._ **

**_You haven’t seen him in years._ **

**_Aging DOES happen, Ben._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_No—he looks old, OLD._

_As in, closer to forty than thirty._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Shit._ **

**_That sucks._ **

**_He did have a nice boyish charm to him._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I think the ginger demon sucked the life out of him._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Ben, don’t call someone a demon unless you ACTUALLY know they are a demon._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_This man is a demon._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Evidence, please._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I don’t have anything major right now, but he sneers._

_A lot._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Dear, god._ **

****

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_It’s the end of the world_ **

****

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Because_ **

****

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_He_ **

****

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_SNEERED._ **

****

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_THE GALL OF THAT MAN._ **

 

****

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I don’t appreciate your sarcasm._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_I doubt that ;)_ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy <3 _

_I miss you._

_And your sarcasm._

_Even though I think it is unwarranted at the moment._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_I think it is completely warranted and you are just in a mood._ **

**_And I miss you and your grumpy ass too._ **

 

****

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_I guess the brightside to all of this is we get to see each other still._ **

**_Even though it is less than stellar circumstances._ **

 

 

_ Lover Boy<3 _

_Are we REALLY going to see each other though?_

_That’s the real question._

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Oh_ **

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_We WILL see each other_ **

 

 

**_ Scavenger <3 _ **

**_Even if we need to do it out in the fucking snow or in the back of a pick-up truck._ **

**_We will see each other._ **

 

* * *

 

****

**_Poe_ **

 

“Hey, who are you texting?” Poe asked, peering over the seat. All his life, he’d never seen Ben so invested in an electronic device, let alone his cell phone.

At the sound of Poe’s question, Ben dropped the phone on his lap like a hot potato.

“Just my editor,” he said, swallowing tightly. He rubbed his palms on his thighs. “Asking about the deadline. When we’ll meet and whatnot,” he said disinterestedly.

“Oh,” Poe muttered, a little disappointed at the fact it was _just_ an editor. Even though Ben was beginning to grin like a fool as the messages came in; maybe he was just genuinely excited about this new manuscript. He hadn’t talked about it much, but then again Ben rarely talked since arriving. “Must be an exciting novel then.”

A shadow fell over Ben, his lips down turning. “It is what it is.”

Silence then fell between the two.

Luke glanced at the two through the rearview mirror in panic. Clearing his throat, he turned on the radio, Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams” filling the car at a low volume. Their uncle hummed along, earning various expressions of annoyance and frustration from the other men in the car.

Glaring out into the expanse of the road, Ben sunk lower in his seat, clearly bothered by something ruminating in his mind.

Watching from the backseat, Poe frowned. He was tempted to ask what was on Ben's mind but decided against it.

Ben liked to be in his own world, and someone asking to enter was a grave sin he didn’t dare grant to anyone.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Rey_ **

“Well if it isn’t Rey Kenobi Skywalker, in the living flesh!” Han called out as Rey hopped off the last step of the train. He stood proud, hands on his hips, with his elderly dog Chewie laying on the ground patiently. She hadn’t seen him since the funeral and was pleased to see he’d reverted back to normal Uncle Han, rather than offering whiskey to every passerby, hoping to rant about how Anakin Skywalker was the worst father-in-law a man could receive.

Her sure feet hit the ground, the half foot drop jostling her duffle bag and backpack. Her shoulders winced at the impact, not prepared for lifting after sitting for two trains rides and bus connection in-between. The wind gust through the breezeway, Rey catching the smell of the cattle at least a mile or two away. Her nose wrinkled.

She was near her home— _no_ , the place she grew up.

She sort of hated being back despite the longing stirring uncomfortably in her chest and gut.

She walked over to her uncle, the man taking her duffle without prompting. He patted her arm affectionately with a welcoming grin. Beside him Chewie stood up, nudging Rey’s leg with his snout.

Chuckling, she patted the canine, whispering a promise to cuddle him later. If anyone in her family deserved her affection, it would be Chewie, one of her constant companions growing up.

“How’s it going, kid?” he asked, leading them over to were his old truck, The Falcon, was parked in the roundabout.

“Um, alright I guess,” she declared, “I got a little sleep on the train, probably the most sleep I’ve had in days.”

“School rough?”

“As bad as it can be expected,” she said with a half shrug.

Han nodded, setting her duffle in the truck bed and strapping it down. He gave it a jostle and pat, satisfied with it’s security.  

“I’m sure you are doing better than you think,” he complimented, opening the passenger side door for her. She climbed in, Chewie hopping in after her. “You kids are too hard on yourselves—it’s okay to not have everything figured out.”

She raised an eyebrow, “How long have you been saving that sage advice?”

“Since last week, but don’t tell the others when I bring it up again later,” Han joked, closing the door after her.

Sitting back, Rey shook her head. Turning to Chewie, she scratched under his chin, his tongue lulling out. “You are too good for him Chewbacca.”

Her friend barked in agreement, giving her a slobbering kiss in return.

The driver’s side opened, Han climbing into the seat. Turning the keys in the ignition, Han quickly rolled them out of the train station parking lot, earning a few cursed words from other drivers. Causally he ignored them, drumming a nonsensical beat on the steering wheel.

They had an hour drive to get to Nana Paddy’s cabin, one that could either be filled with silence or simple chit-chat. Both of which Han and Rey were not particularly great at doing.

“So…” he breathed, “I think it might be best to give you a briefing of what to expect because I was even thrown for a loop,” Han warned, a bit serious.

“Hit me with it,” she declared, knowing it couldn’t be worse than what she already knew.

“Apparently Poe pulled a fast one on us, and is bringing his boyfriend,” Rey nodded along, acting as though she didn’t already social media stalk Armitage Hux. She didn’t find anything, only his profile on his firm’s website. “Finn’s also bringing his girlfriend—Leia asked me to remind you to be nice,” he stressed. “Don’t scare her off.”

Rey rolled her eyes.

“Why can’t Leia tell me herself?”

Han kept his mouth closed, letting the question sit in the air for a moment.

Of course he wouldn’t answer.

He took a deep breath and continued, “Ben is coming. Please don’t argue with him—that was Nana Paddy’s request,” he explained with a tired sigh. “She really misses you two, being that you were both close to Grandpa Ani—”

Rey pursed her lips, refraining from scoffing. Sure, her and Ben were ‘close’ to Grandpa Ani. But they were also the only two he even tried to talk to, and even then it was to reprimand Ben for not being _better_.

Better at what? Who the fuck knew. They sure didn’t.

“And we are going to be on all our best behaviors,” he said with a grumble. “Your aunt hid my whiskey, so we are all in the same boat this go around.”

“Did she hid all the alcohol?” she asked, hoping she didn’t sound as desperate as she felt.

“All of it,” Han said resolutely, “But I have hope one of us will be clever enough to find it.”

Rey frowned, thinking of the worst case scenario. “What if she threw it all out?”

Han let out a loud laugh, Chewie barking along happily, “Leia, throwing out the alcohol? She is cruel, but she isn’t an idiot. She hid somewhere so she could still get some.” His face then became determined. “It is our job to find it.”

“Good luck with that,” Rey said with a small smile. “I will be catching up on sleep and reading. I have no plans to drink anything but hot chocolate and coffee for the time being.”

“Really?” Han muttered. “I’m surprised.”

“Yeah well, I’d like to be on my best behavior as you so put, so maybe alcohol in my system won’t help,” she explained, knowing she became loose lipped when she had one to many glasses of wine. She didn’t need to disclose her private life with her nosey, not so understanding family.

“The mark of a mature adult,” Han complimented.

Rey smiled tightly. Sure, a _mature_ adult.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Finn_ **

 

“Whoo! Road trip!” Rose cheered as Finn pulled up to the front of her apartment complex. She hugged a ladybug pillow to her chest, her suitcase sitting beside her by the curb. He rolled the windows down, Rose leaning forward with a large smile. “You arrived nice and early.”

They originally planned to meet a couple of hours after they got off work, both taking a half day to make it to the cabin by that evening.

“Because I am nervous as hell.” His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, unbudgeable. Inhaling deeply through his nose, Finn glanced at Rose. “This is insane. This only happens in movies and trashy novels—I can’t do this,” he declared hurriedly.

Sensing his panic, she opened the passenger door and slid into the seat. “Here, hug Lady,” she held out the pillow. “She had lavender and chamomile incense in her, she’ll calm you down.”

Finn stared at the pillow for a moment. He was grown, twenty-five year old man.

And he was not above hugging a ladybug pillow for comfort.

Without looking up at her, he took the offered ladybug pillow and held it close. Deeply, he inhaled the calming scent, surprised how sweet the pillow felt and smelled.

“Dude, you have nothing to worry about,” Rose assured him, smiling with her undeniable warmth. “All you need to do is show up, I’ll play the part of a doting girlfriend, and then we leave the day after Christmas.” She then smirked, “If anyone has the hard job here, it’s me. I got to impress.”

“You don’t need to impress,” Finn said with a tired sigh. “You’re already wonderful.”

A flush danced on her cheeks. Awkwardly, Rose chuckled and playfully punched his arm.

“You are… _too kind_ ,” she said, her voice rising to a slight shrill.

She then got out of the car and went to put her suitcase in the back with his belongings. After shutting the backseat door, she came back to the front.

With a grateful nod, he handed her pillow back over. “Thanks,” he muttered sheepishly. “I needed that.”

“Of course,” she beamed, her expression a little dimmer than usual. “Any time.”

The two stared at each other for a moment, Rose’s smile diminishing the longer Finn struggled to find words to express his gratitude, to the point it was becoming obvious they were just looking at each other in silence. Though Finn did not make a move to do anything, oddly enraptured by Rose Tico’s calming presence. She could have had plans for Christmas and yet she dropped everything to help him, as though she wouldn’t have done anything else.

He really was lucky to have her as a friend.

“Uh, Finn—um, don’t we have schedule to keep with?” Rose asked, busying herself with buckling up.

“Right! Right!” he said with a frantic chuckle.

On that note, Finn turned the car back on and began their five hour drive up north.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Ben_ **

“Here we are,” Luke declared with a sing-song voice, slowly pulling into the driveway at a snail’s pace. The cabin sat proudly, clear of snow, not quite cold enough to have mounds and heaps lying about the property. Christmas lights flashed in a blinking in and out pattern despite it being daylight, no one apparently takin the time to shut them off.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary with the cabin, almost the spiting image of how it appeared in his childhood memories.

In the passenger seat, Ben’s left leg jiggled up and down, his nervousness starting to peak about halfway through the drive. After his near encounter with Poe, Ben refrained from texting Rey for the remained of the drive, not wanting his bother to snoop over his shoulder. Once the vehicle came to a complete stop, Ben got out of the car and went to the back to grab his belongings.

Poe and Ginger Demon soon followed, the latter waiting impatiently as Ben slung his satchel over his shoulder and pulled his suitcase from where it was wedged between Poe’s carry-on and the boyfriend’s large monstrosity luggage.

He barely glanced at the two as he beelined to the front door, ready to drop his things in the nearest guestroom and crash—

“Benjamin! Come over here and say hello to your mother!” Leia called the moment he stepped foot into the foyer.

A defeated sigh escaped him, his satchel on his shoulder weighing more by the second the longer he stood. Turning slowly, he stressed a smile to his mother, standing a mere four feet away.

In return, he received a sharp frown. Her brown and grey hair was pulled back in a french twist, her eyes piercing and knowing as she analyzed every detail of his form.

“Son, you look like shit.”

“You are not the first to tell me that today, and you will not be last,” he quipped dryly.

“Have you been sleeping?”

Ben quirked an eyebrow. “Mother—I have a deadline, do you think I have been sleeping? Honestly, truly, believe I have been sleeping?”

“Don’t get smart with me, Ben,” Leia demanded, peering up at him over her glasses. “Answer your mother.”

“No— _Leia_ ,” he goaded, not in the mood to be subjected to an interrogation at the moment. “I have not been sleeping, I’ve hardly been eating, and I’ve been traveling all morning—so please, for the love of god, tell me where to drop off my things so I can sleep—”

“You need to tell your grandmother hello,” she insisted.

“Okay!” Ben practically bellow, walking briskly past his mother into the living room.

By the fire, his grandmother sat with a book, reading silently to herself. Despite her age of eighty-eight, she looked well, quite active with her walks and visits with others in town. Her hair rested in a low bun and she dressed nicely, as though she hadn’t been sitting around her home all day as her daughter waited on her hand and foot.

Over her glasses she peered at Ben, an older echo of the image his mother displayed mere moments ago. “Benjamin, you look—”

“Like shit, I know,” he supplied readily, hoping to just give her a kiss on the cheek and go.

“—exhausted.” She finished firmly, raising an unamused eyebrow. “I was going to say 'exhausted'. But if you want to be vulgar, say ‘shit’.” She turned a page in her book, her eyes dropping back to the novel.  “Please go, I’d rather not speak to you when you are on the verge of a temper-tantrum.”

Ben huffed, feeling his anger boil at the remark. “I’m _not_ —”

“I said _go_ , Benjamin. Do not make me ask again,” she ordered with little room for argument.

Biting back his tongue, he nodded once to his grandmother and marched out of the room. It was best to not argue with Padme Skywalker when she was not in the mood; she knew how to pick her fights, and clearly she had little desire to scold and bicker with Ben. She rarely had the desire to speak with him on a good day, let alone a bad day.

Picking up his suitcase, he made his way down the hall without looking back at his waiting mother.

“You’re upstairs Ben—last room to the left. You’ll be sharing with—” she called after him.

“I know where it is!” He shouted back, stomping up the stairs at the end of the hall, not caring if anyone was bothered by him.

From the top of the stairs he heard his mother huff. “I swear, he never grew out of that teen angst phase—”

Scowling, he crossed to the familiar room and flung open the door. With a flourish of anger he toes off his battered shoes and tossed his satchel on the twin bed closest to him when—

“ _Oi—what did that door ever do to you_?”

He paused, his rage washing away at the sight of _her_.

Sitting crisscross on the opposite, matching twin bed, was Rey. Her chestnut hair was shorter than when he last saw her, barely brushing the underside of her chin and her freckles became less prominent over the cooler months.

Her sweater—his old sweater she somehow nicked from him when he wasn’t looking—swallowed her lithe frame. Yet it looked perfect on her.

“Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to kiss me Lover Boy?” she teased quietly, a coy grin on her lips.

Shutting and locking the door behind him, Ben swooped towards her, Rey wrapping her arms around him before they collapsed happily into each other on the bed. His desperate lips muffled her shrieking giggles, her mirth forming into a tantalizing moan within seconds. Hands fumbled with buttons and zippers, her sweater and his jacket frantically discarded followed by several pieces clothing, the two lovers eager to get reacquainted with one another.

Sleep be damned, Ben had his girl to catch up with.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOO....
> 
> Yeah, Rey and Ben are already getting it on and it is only chapter 3!
> 
> And almost all our main players are here! :D
> 
> Let me know what you think, your theories and whatnot! I love discussing fic with readers!


	4. Maybe this Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!
> 
> Typos fixed later.
> 
> Enjoy!

**where the love lights gleam**

 

**Maybe This Christmas** __

* * *

 

 

_"Maybe this Christmas will mean something more_

_Maybe this year Love will appear_

_Deeper than ever before_

_And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call_

_Someone we've loved_

_Someone we've lost For reasons we can't quite recall"_

_Maybe this Christmas_ by Ron Sexsmith

 

* * *

 

 

**_Poe_ **

 

"It's rather...cozy."

Armitage stood by the bedroom entrance, not entirely keen on completely stepping into the blue room. His suit and perfectly placed hair looked out of place in the old fashion room. Homey wood paneling and handmade powder blue curtains—handmade by some Naberrie ancestor, Nana Paddy _did not_ do sewing—caused nostalgia to stir within Poe. While this tiny room had never been _his_ room during visits, he’d been in it plenty of times when he and Ben would run around playing hide-and-seek, acted like warriors, or whatever imaginary game they could come up with on the spot.

One winter, when he and Ben were roughly nine and ten, they spent the entire two week break acting as through the wardrobe led them to Narnia. Ben had read all the books a couple of summers previous and forced Poe to read the first one. Poe was never one to read for _fun_ —that was Ben, who would make long lists to Santa about the latest Harry Potter book and Latin because “ _Did you know J.K. Rowling uses Latin for the spells_?” “No.” “ _Uncle Luke pointed it out! I’m going to learn_ all _of it_.”—but Ben insisted and pestered and shoved him to the point he caved and agreed.

And Poe _loved_ it.

Grandpa Ani yelled at all the ruckus they caused with their vicious hopping and jumping from upstairs, but Nana Paddy encouraged the two with glee. She even pretended to be the White Witch, playing with them outside in the snow.

But that was over twenty years ago.

Ben probably would tear apart the fabric and structure of _The Chronicles of Narnia_ now, the unforgiveable critic.

By the wardrobe, Poe unpacked his clothing, not bothering to coax his boyfriend into the room. He'd get over it, and it was only for a week.

"It's a cabin." Poe reminded him, shaking out his orange sweater. He plucked a wired hanger from the rack and hung the loved piece up.

"I know," the other man uttered with obvious distaste. "That's why I said 'cozy'." Tentatively, Armitage stepped into the room. His large suitcase rolled behind him into the tiny room; it consumed half the walk space. With a sigh, he lifted his luggage on to the bed and unpacked with air of disgruntled reluctance.

"I think we should head back downstairs once we're unpacked," Poe suggested with halfhearted enthusiasm. "Ben will probably sleep until the evening, and Rey is no better."

Armitage blinked at the mention the mention of the latter name. "Rey?"

Poe inhaled deeply, thanking his lucky stars he wasn't facing Armitage. His face revealed too much if he wasn't careful, and he was reckless when it came to his boyfriend.

"My cousin, _Rey_ ," he stressed the name.

Armitage merely made a disinterested hum, and continued his unpacking.

"She just finished finals and then traveled for most of the morning. I wouldn't put it past those two not leaving their room for the rest of the afternoon."

"Is everyone in your family terrible at taking care of themselves?" Armitage remarked with a tsk. "You, then Ben, and now this Rey person."

Poe rolled his eyes. "Finn is pretty great at taking care of himself," he defended. "He was sort of the mother-hen out of the bunch of us."

Finn was always the worry-wart and rightly so—Rey, Ben, and Poe were always causing trouble and bringing each other into chaos. Coerced into playing hide-and-seek in the woods at night to only get a broken arm, was an adequate representation of Finn's circumstances in their little circle. Finn was just so damn gullible, it was difficult to not tease him.

However, Leia wanted Poe and Ben to bond more with their younger cousins. Poe eventually set his taunts aside and tried to be Finn's friend, never quite hanging out with him because of the age difference. Even if that meant going out less and watching _The Rescuers_ over and over on a Friday night. He'd try for the kid; he knew what it was like to have a sibling who had a knack for letting their emotions and smart-mouth get the best of them.

For a long time, Finn was Poe's little shadow. Following the older boy and becoming his little companion even after Grandpa Ani no longer recognized Poe as part of the family. And then one day, it just all sort of stopped. Finn didn't want to hang out anymore. He didn't want to talk, and he refused to give an explanation why.

"Do you have the Wi-Fi password?" Armitage asked, setting up his laptop on the small corner desk. The arrangement of blue jay knick-knacks on the desk were moved to a different shelf, cluttering the space.

Poe barked a laugh at the practical question. "Wi-Fi? Here? Yeah, right." 

“Excuse me?” Armitage uttered, his pale face heating and flushing furiously by the second. “I don’t find the question humorous.”

“Nana Paddy has a strict policy on her Wi-Fi—”

“Which is?” he implored.

“Only she gets to decide who gets it,” Poe said with a shrug. “Only she has the password and I think she only actively uses it for her computer, television, and home phone. She is not a fan of the internet.”

“I need it for work.” Armitage huffed, his voice straining. “I have a case—”

“That you said you’d be able to finish early,” Poe reminded him. He closed his empty suitcase. “It’s a _vacation_ , babe. You have an entire team on this case—you don’t need to micromanage it.”

The ginger’s mouth pinched, his gaze hardening on Poe. “I’m a micromanager now?”

“That’s not what I meant—”

“That’s what you said.”

Poe rubbed his face, letting his hackles rise, preparing for a war of defense. “I meant, you are micromanaging the case—not—not that _you_ are a micromanager—”

“You are saying the same thing in a different way.” Armitage sat down in wooden desk chair, clicking in his laptop password. Shifting, the chair creaked. He sneered at the sound, the keys on the keyboard clacking harder than before.

“Armi—”

“Leave me alone and learn how to use your words, Poe. I’ll have you know, they are your weakest attribute.”

The comment stung, but it was nothing new. Hastily, Poe schooled his features—not bothering to react despite the violent urge to argue back.

Arguing back never changed anything; why waste the breath?

Not bothering to say goodbye, Poe left the room, closing the door behind him. Looking up, he frowned at the door across the hall.

_*_

_“Ugh—no I don’t want to sleep on the floor,” A twelve year old Poe grumbled to Ben. “You sleep on the floor!”_

_“I’m older—I get the bed,” the taller boy shot back. To mark his territory, he dropped his black backpack on the center of the twin bed._

_“Yeah—older by eight months,” Poe taunted back, “Younger in maturity—can’t even talk to your lab partne—”_

_With bright red ears, Ben roughly shoved Poe in the chest, “Shut up!” he cried out, his voice cracking pathetically. Despite being older, Ben was behind on some things—like his voice dropping. It fluctuated between cracking, low, and strange shrill when he was upset._

_For Poe, his voice dropped sooner and he miraculously had little embarrassing cracks and changes to his voice much to the annoyance of Ben._

_“You shut up!” Poe pushed back. The two boys then fell into a tussle, pushing and shoving each other roughly._

_Meanwhile, the two younger children in the room watched the fight with mixed reactions. Finn, naturally, coward back into the corner of the opposite bed, pillow hugged to his chest. Rey, on the other hand, sat on the edge of bed, faced scrunched up. She then hopped off the bed and ran headfirst into Poe, getting him right in the gut._

_“Ow!” he yelped, Rey punching him with all her might in the gut. However, her tiny hands did not have much strength behind them, the hits feeling more like a nuisance than anything. “Get off, Rey!”_

_Ben then surged for, wrapping his arms around the little girl’s middle. He quickly pulled her way from Poe. She tried to kick back at him, but Ben was too tall and strong for the pipsqueak to overpower._

_“Stop it, Rey!” Ben ordered, the girl wiggling to a stop after a few moments. She must have realized there was no escaping Ben’s hold once captured. “Apologize,” Ben prompted her._

_In retaliation, Rey stuck her tongue out to the two older boys before pinching Ben’s arm in hopes he’d release her._

_He winced, yet held on._

_She frowned darkly._

_“You’re like a she-wolf, Rey,” Poe grumbled, rubbing his stomach. Okay maybe the tiny thing did pack a punch, Poe feeling a slight throb where she attacked. His remark earned a sharp look from Ben followed by an eyeroll._

_They were told to be ‘nice’ to Rey when Uncle Luke adopted her. But that was over a year ago. They were family now; he didn’t have to be overly nice if he didn’t want to be._

_Ben still tried to be nice to Rey. He’d let the kid hold his hand when crossing the street and let her babble to him about what was on her mind. Which was most about different plants, her adoptive father ever the botanist. But Poe knew the truth behind his older brother’s attempts of kindness with their youngest cousin. It was because Ben was already on a thin wire with their parents. Anger issues and outbursts in class from Ben caused some quiet talk in their family about what they should do. The most recent talk had been about find a better outlet for him._

_“Why don’t we all sleep on the floor?” came Finn’s quiet voice._

_Rey perked up. “Like a pillow fort?”_

_“Yeah,” the seven year old boy muttered bashfully. He’d never been much of talker, preferring to hide under the noise of his much louder and outspoken family._

_“I’ve never had one before,” Rey announced, looking up at Ben expectantly._

_“Sure, we can make a pillow fort,” he agreed almost immediately. He let her jump out of his arms, the little girl scurrying about the room to gather all the pillows and blankets she could get her grubby hands on._

_Poe openly glared at his brother. “Pillow forts are stupid.”_

_“You’re stupid!” Rey cried out, about to barrel into Poe again._

_Luckily, Ben caught her in time and tossed her playfully on the bed. Shrill giggles followed, Rey unaware of the silent argument occurring between the brothers. Ben was clearly taking Rey’s side on this matter, Poe finding it unnecessary. She was younger, her opinion didn’t matter._

_Shaking his head, Ben turned to Finn, “Go with Poe to get blankets from the hall closet.” He then began moving the backpacks and duffle bags to the furthest end of the room while the boy began to leave._

_Rolling his eyes, Poe followed Finn out._

_And thus began one of the common patterns with Rey added to the mix—even if Ben was annoyed or upset with her, he’d_ always _take her side in family arguments._

_Their brotherly solidarity seemed no more in the twelve year old’s eyes._

_*_

While he was glad he no longer had to share the twin bedroom with Ben, Rey, and Finn anymore, part of him missed the room. Maybe for it’s memories, though he could only name a handful of fond ones off the top of his head. The four of them argued more than bond as their parents hoped.

He was tempted to knock on the door, see if Ben really was asleep or just ignoring them like he did in his latter teens. Or if Rey would hug him ‘hello’ or just force a smile.

Poe did not find out, instead heading down stairs to speak with Nana Paddy. After all, she was the real reason why he was there. Maybe he could even ask for her opinion on an important matter; she was the only one with a level head in the cabin.

 

* * *

 

**_Rey_ **

 

Laying back against the pillows, she lazily carded her fingers though his hair. His thick, dark locks were smooth at the touch, she able to twirl and comb strands all day long if she so desired. His hair faintly smelled of tea tree oil shampoo, Ben probably taking a shower before his flight that morning. She's glad he did, recalling how he pathetically admitted to not taking a shower in nearly a week a couple of days back.

His head rested on her bare chest, his hot breath brushing against her skin. The mix of the cool air and his damp, heated exhales caused a tingle of faint shivers down her chest to her belly, though she made no effort to stop the sensation. She liked being close to him, only to have such a privilege once in a blue moon. They'd been quick in their reunion, knowing time and silence were of the essence. Someone would come looking for one of them within a couple of hours, the excuses of exhaustion only holding so much weight with their family members.

For the last ten minutes, Ben dozed in and out of slumber, however unintentionally. He’d been kissing down her collarbone to her chest, laying only partially on her. The twin bed was uncomfortable enough with one person, but with the both of them? They had to do some awkward maneuvering to rest somewhat comfortably after. Which somehow led to the less than arousing position of laying with each other without completely crushing the other.

Of course the kissing then turned to lazy mouthing then to just inhaling and exhaling deeply against her, Ben out like a light.

Normally, she’d let him sleep longer and use her as a pillow, knowing how difficult it was for him to fall asleep. However this _wasn’t_ normal circumstances. And anyone could interrupt.

In theory, almost getting caught in the act was thrilling, especially when she was sending those texts of definitely seeing him, even implying she’d be willing to do it in the snow…even though she vocally hated the cold. Horniness and lust apparently made her more reckless than usual.

But sneaking around, with the real potential of getting caught? Damn straight _terrifying_.

She pinched him, just under his chin. He inhaled sharply, always the light sleeper.

“What?” he mumbled. “I’m awake,” he slurred, hardly convincing.

“Get up,” she ordered, wiggling out from under his massive form. He reluctantly released her from his hold, watching as she grabbed her undergarments and jeans from the floor. “We need to make an appearance before someone starts to wonder—”

“You are worrying too much,” Ben commented, reaching for his boxers off the side of the bed from where he laid. He looked less than thrilled to be awake and forced to get dressed. He then grabbed his glasses off the bedside table, eyes blinking as they adjusted to seeing clear once again. She felt his eyes on her as she struggled to get her light wash skinny jeans back on. “No one is going to care if we are missing for a couple of hours. They haven’t cared in the past—”

“But this is different,” she argued, grabbing her body spray and deodorant. She desperately wanted to make sure to mask the smell, not wanting anyone’s mind to jump to conclusions. Correct conclusions, but conclusions she did not want them to think of nonetheless. Liberally she applied the two, Ben shaking his head at her paranoia, but didn’t comment. He knew better than to do so. “We were able to see each other almost every other day. We had _self-control_ —”

“Are you saying _I_ don’t have self-control?” he teased.

As she passed by him gathering the rest of their clothing, he caught her left hand. Willing, she let him pull her to stand between his legs. He grinned smugly up at her, firm hands resting at her bare waist.

“Because if I recall you were the one _waiting_ for _me_ in bed—”

Dropping her pile of clothes on the bed, she caved into his touch. It’d been three months since she had him this close, the silly, romantic and lustful part of her wanting to take full advantage of every moment. Agonizingly slow, her hands traveled from his arms to his shoulders, feeling him tense with longing under her touch.

Once reaching his shoulders, she  squeezed lightly, fighting back a coy grin. “I wasn’t ‘waiting for you’ in bed. I was fully dressed, reading. If I recall correctly, you were the one who _pounced_ on me.”

“‘Pounce’?” Ben uttered teasingly. “Was it really _that_ sexy? That much of a turn on—”

“Shut up,” Rey muttered before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “I’m being serious. We cannot do what we just did again, too many nosey people in this house.” She grabbed the sweater she’d been wearing earlier and pulled it over her head, shaking out the martial. She didn’t want it to look _too_ rumpled.

Ben tugged at the end of the sweater, peering up at her from the top of his glasses. A shiver of delight tingled up her spine at his gaze.

“You can’t wear this sweater,” he declared lowly, his deep voice more of rumble from down in his chest. “Because it is _mine_ , and seeing you in my clothes—”

She knew where he was going with this.

Groaning, she playful shoved him away and ambled back to her duffle bag on the other bed. “You are ridiculous.” Biting her lower lip, she shook her head at the gall of the man. “Fine, I’ll change my sweater if it will calm you down.”

She removed the garment, quickly tugging on an old band t-shirt—The Cure— also his, but been with her so long, no one would second guess. She then slipped on her heather-grey U of Ahch-To sweater over it.

Spinning around to face him, she gestured to body. “Better?”

He quirked an eyebrow at her, already following her lead and getting dressed. “You look nice.”

She rolled her eyes. What else did she expect? Lover Boy was his name for a reason, Ben a romantic sap.

As she went about putting on her wool socks, she heard him yawn a few times as he struggled to get dressed without collapsing back into bed.  Dark circles marked under his eyes, wearing his usually youthful face down. His moments were slow and fumbled, a few muttered curses under his breath as he tried and failed again to open his bag of toiletries.

Even though she knew it to logically impossible, Rey felt it was her fault. Ben slept better when she was there; not always through the night, but enough to get by in life. Ever since she switched universities and subsequently moved, she’d receive more calls in the middle of the night from him. Mostly him just saying whatever was running through his mind. He never liked to mention his lack of sleep to her because he claimed she’d worry too much instead of focusing on school. Finishing her degree was the priority at the moment and he wanted her to keep it as such.

Which meant long distance and Ben claiming he was getting rest, when they’re both aware she knew the truth.

Watching him with a heavy heart, Rey promised herself to make sure Ben rest well that night, deadline be damned. If he went another day, he’d surely pass out from lack of care and anxiety.

Once fully clothed, Ben opened the window to air the room.

“ _Ben_!” Han’s voice called from the distance outside.

The two froze for a moment, before realizing, it wasn’t absurd for the two of them to be panicked when they were fully clothed in a room they were _told_ to share together.

“Yeah?” Ben shouted back.

“ _You look like shit, son!”_ the father crowed back. “ _Take a nap or something!”_

“Thanks, Dad!” Ben shouted back deadpan, the malice from his tongue palpable. Stepping away from the window, the curtains fell back in place. In haste, he grabbed a sweater from his suitcase and marched to the door. “I hate our family sometimes,” he mumbled before swinging open the door and leaving.

Still standing near the window, Rey sighed resisting the urge to run after Ben.

Instead, she stepped to the mirror and fixed her hair; something she had at least a semblance of control over. A piece by the front wouldn’t lie flat no matter how much she brushed it.

That was the downfall of short hair—little hairs refusing to sit right.

Huffing, she went to Ben’s suitcase. He’d have gel or some other hair product to help her out. She rifled through his things, rolling her eyes when she saw that damn Star Trek shirt he had for over ten years. He needed to get rid of it, stains and smells unable to get out at this point. When they lived together, she attempted to toss out the shirt more times than she could count, but it somehow always found it’s way back in the laundry or in his wardrobe. The debacle of the Star Trek shirt was a never winning battle, no matter how she tried to slate the matter as though she were doing him a favor.

And she was—no one needed to see the damn shirt anymore, the black faded to distinct grey anyone could identify as over-washed fabric.

_Actually…_

She’d do him the favor now.

With a smug satisfaction, Rey grabbing the rolled up wad and dropped it in the small waste basket under the desk—

Only to hear a distinct _thunk_ after.

Rey froze.

There shouldn’t have been a _thunk_ —it was a goddamn shirt.

Puzzled, she grabbed the waste basket and removed to shirt, the wad unraveled in her efforts to dispose the ghastly thing. Looking back into the waste basket, Rey felt all the air leave her lungs. There was a box—

 _A velvet box_.

One she didn’t _dare_ open because…because velvet boxes held jewelry.

And _little_ velvet boxes held _important_ jewelry.

The type of jewelry only people, who were in a committed and loving relationship for a long time, gave each other. One that usually involved a ceremony and fanfare and the declaration of love in front of loved ones, like friends and _family_.

Fuck.

Was Ben…?

 _No_.

No. This was bad—

But _good_.

But bad. Really _bad_.

Shit. No one fucking knew they were together. And the shit storm that would occur if they _did_ —because Skywalkers don’t know how to keep their emotions in check, even though technically she and Ben were doing absolutely nothing _wrong_. They weren’t related by blood, but knowing their family, they’d act like it was such a circumstance. Hence the—as melodramatic and shitty as it sounded—the secrecy.

But if Ben _was_ planning on…

Frantically, she picked up the box and wadded the damn Star Trek shirt around it. With quickness, she placed the shirt back in his suitcase along with the rest of his belongings she moved around. He’d be too sleep deprived to notice anything out of place.

She then glanced at the mirror.

The piece of hair was still rebelling—but she also looked paler than usual.

That little velvet box really fucked her up.

Swallowing, Rey used one of the hair ties around her wrist and pulled her hair half up, half down.

_There._

At least one thing she could control.

Placing the thoughts of the little velvet box out of her mind, Rey left the room.

“Hey, Aunt Leia, is there any coffee?” she called out, needing the next best thing after wine.

_“Ben’s making some more right now!”_

Rey paused at the top of the stairs, attempting to refrain from screaming. That damn man was going kill himself from sleep deprivation and caffeine intake.

“ _Okay_!” she called back brightly, hoping no one noticed her disdain at the news.

 

* * *

 

**_Ben_ **

 

“Ben—you changed,” Poe declared the moment he saw Ben enter the kitchen.

“It’s called taking off a jacket, Poe,” Ben said without missing a beat, not bothering to let even an ounce of panic at the remark make home in his chest.

Leia, Luke, and Poe were gathered at the kitchen table eating coffee cake and chatting like they were old buddies. With his grey hair, Poe fit in nicely with their mother and uncle.

Poe stressed a smile, watching him carefully. “Sorry, you just look a little different—”

“I took a nap.” A whole fifteen minutes, but a nap nonetheless.

“Oh, good for you,” Luke announced, “Because you kind of looked like shit earlier—”

“He still does,” Leia said with a sympathetic sigh.

“Okay, _I get it_ ,” Ben replied tersely, heading straight to the coffee pot. “I look like shit. No one needs to remind me anymore.”

The coffee pot was empty.

Biting his lips together, he inhaled deeply. _He could do this_. He can survive a little over a week, hell Christmas Eve was less than a few days away. He can do this.

He grabbed the coffee grounds and began to make another pot, because he had his deadline that night and just needed to go over the last few pages because cliffhangers gave him anxiety and for some fucked up reason he decided he needed a cliffhanger for his novel and—

 _“Hey, Aunt Leia, is there any coffee?”_ Rey called from upstairs.

“Ben’s making some more right now!” his mother shouted back.

Ben winced, shoveling more grounds into the filter than necessary.

He heard Rey’s _“Okay!”_ , steeling himself for her entrance.

He could play the part, smile and pleasant, acting as though he hadn’t made her cum less than an hour ago. He can _totally_ act like he was fine—they’d been together for years, it wasn’t a _big deal_. He acted fine at the funeral back in May, he can just be ‘normal’ again. He was fine.

But then again it been three months and—

No, he wasn’t going to fall into Rey’s thought process of it all. He was fine. She was paranoid. Not him. He was _not_ the paranoid one. He was fine. He absolutely did not worry despite everyone thinking he would—just because he was prone to anxiety did not mean he was anxious with everything. A misconception. An absolutely crude misconception. He was fine. He did not need to fall into the anxiety spiral, he was already in one with his deadline, he did not need to subject himself to another one.

_He was fine._

“Ben, sweetie, you don’t mind they we lumped you with Rey, right?” He heard his mother ask from the table. “ We just figured since you two didn’t bring any significant other’s it be easier to give you two the twin bed room.”

_He was fine._

“It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s fine,” he repeated. He poured water in the reserve.

He pressed the button. Whirring and then the glorious sound of the drip came, just she did.

Ben didn’t move, remaining standing by the coffee pot. He’d serve himself a cup once there was enough for one. He just needed on cup and he’s be fine to look over the last few pages and then submit, meeting his deadline. He didn’t care if coffee dripped on the hotplate and burned with harsh sizzles. He just needed one cup to get through and then sleep. Plenty of sleep.

_He was fine._

“Hey, everyone,” Rey greeted the table quietly, earning a few mumbled hellos from Leia and Luke, and distinctly not one from Poe.

_Of-fucking-course._

“Hey, Poe,” Rey said stiltedly. “Haven’t seen you since pre-grey,” she quipped without an ounce of regret. She _would_ take a jab at the grey hair.

Peaking over his shoulder, Ben noticed how the two watched each other in a staring standoff. Rey held herself taller, because she was indeed taller than Poe. This did not bother his brother, the man remaining in his seat.

“Haven’t seen you since pizza-face days, nice to know you _finally_ survived your teen years.” Poe gave a charming smile. He would take a jab at her age—he always did, loving to remind Rey she was younger than them all, and would never catch up.

But she did catch up in _some_ ways. Not that Poe would ever be privy to that knowledge.

Ben sighed loudly, focused on the coffee drip.

_He was fine._

“Hey, you two, let’s be little kinder—I mean it is Christmas. Hostility and taunts are for children,” Uncle Luke chimed in, unintentionally creating more tension in the room. “I thought you two would move on from this—come on Rey,” Luke addressed his daughter, Ben noticing Rey’s hands clenching at her sides. “I know you know better.”

“ _Right_ ,” she replied stiffly.

Ben wanted to defend her, but he remained focus on the coffee. Coffee, then novel, then Rey. That is the ordered it needed to be. Because he was fine. Completely fine if he just got done what needed to be done and not worry about anything else.

_He was fine._

Uncle Luke was apparently not having her tight lip. “Rey—”

“ _Look who made it!”_ Han’s voice called out from the entrance.

Shuffling feet and muffled voices sounded from the hall, before Finn and his girlfriend entered the kitchen.

_“Finn!”_

_“Hey, kiddo!_

_“Finn, you came!”_

His family’s voice overlapped in their loud greetings, Ben wincing. Rubbing his temples, he picked up a mug. There should be enough for one cup. He heard the rustled of jackets and muttered conversations as Finn was greeted with open arms, like always. His younger cousin greeted everyone politely, Ben hearing soft but welcoming ‘hello’s from the girlfriend.

Finn eventually made his way around to Ben, the older man tensing at the thought of small talk. And Ben fucking hated small talk, forced to engage with a family member he hardly spoke to and really had no strong memories because, damn was Finn forgettable. Absolutely forgettable in Ben’s opinion, despite how awful that sounded. And Ben just didn’t care how wonderful Finn’s life happened to be with his flashy job and his perfect girlfriend he was probably going to ask to marry him using Nana Paddy’s ring because Finn apparently was always right and perfect and had his _shit together_ , and was _fine_.

A warm hand patted his shoulder. “Hey Ben you look—”

Ben, of course, had to break at that moment.

“ _Look like fucking shit_?” He roared before Finn could finish speaking. “Because I know, Finn! I know it look like _shit_ —and I don’t need another person in this goddamn family to tell me so—because I’ve heard it from Mom, Dad, Luke, Poe and now _you_! Because fuck, you know why I look like shit, because _feel_ like shit and I am fucking tired of everyone reminding at every second of the fucking day! Because I am fucking _aware_!”

Ben heaved for air, his face feeling—well, he couldn’t feel his face with the blood pounding in his ears.

Before him Finn didn’t flinch, instead just standing there, blinking at him.

“I was just going to say you look…taller,” the younger man said plainly.

Ben flushed.

_“I’m going upstairs to write. No one bother me!”_

And fled the room. He couldn’t stand the faces in the room, feeling their eyes watching him as he left.

Okay…maybe he was _not_ fine.

 

* * *

 

**_Finn_ **

 

Leia turned to him, apologetic. “Finn—”

“It’s fine,” he waved off, not surprised by the random outburst. “It’s just Ben being Ben right?”

“That doesn’t excuse it—” Leia began, weary over her eldest son.

“He’s under a lot of pressure right now,” Rey said in defense, earning a few curious glances.

When the hell did Rey and Ben talk? Miss MIA and Mr. Reclusive Published Author rarely spoke to Finn, he highly doubted they took the time to speak to each other with the amount of hostility and bickering the two encountered with one another.

Then again, neither shied for taking the other’s side in family arguments, a unit against all things regarding the parental front.

Rey shrugged, arms crossed over her chest. “He—he told me earlier before he crashed for a bit, deadline or something?”

“Inviting him, did you expect anything different ?” Luke asked Leia, attempting to show empathy for his sister. He then glanced over to Rose, taking it upon himself to explain. “Ben… has issues—”

“Don’t call it issues,” Poe announced. “Call it what it is—anxiety, depression, whatever—”

“Are we _seriously_ having this conversation?” Rey interjected, her voice over powering the others. “He’s upstairs, trying to get work done, and we talking about him like he is some problem child—

Han sighed tiredly. “Rey, he was a problem child, we all know that.”

Rey visibly bristled at the remark. “Doesn’t mean you have to treat him like one—he is an adult—”

“Who acts like a child,” Luke said gravely before shaking his head, walking back to his seat at the kitchen. “I told you to not invite him, Leia.”

The older woman pinched the bridge of her nose, attempting to keep her composure. “Nana Paddy wanted him here—”

“And look how he acted—like our _father_ —”

Beside Finn, Rose glanced over at him, a question in her eyes. He’d have to explain insistent comparisons between his cousin and grandpa later, Rose only aware of the basics.

“This is fucking ridiculous—you are all fucking ridiculous,” Rey declared, her jaw locked. She looked vicious, holding herself taller and sharper, as though ready to lash out physically if another word was said.

Possibly sensing this in herself,  she back out of the room, heading to the mudroom.

“Rey, language!” Luke called after her once recovering from her blatant comment.

“I don’t fucking care!” She shouted back, rustling heard. “I’ll going for a walk! Please don’t wait for me be out of the room before you start talking shit behind my back!”

The backdoor slammed behind her.

 _“I swear,”_ Luke muttered, standing up with a tired groan. He looked to Finn, a little relief in his eyes. “I am glad you did not take after your sister.” He then left the room, followed by an equally as exhausted Leia, both too concerned with their own troubled thoughts of Ben and their father to pay mind to much else.

A small strangle of nose came from Rose. She opened and closed her mouth, struggling to find words. “That was…”

Finn nodded once. “Yeah, I know.”

The one good friend he had in the last few years, and his family probably destroyed it in less than five minutes. Go figure.

At the table, Poe appeared unaffected by the chaos that ensued, content with eating the coffee cake on his plate.

Meanwhile, Han stood off to the side, lost in his own thoughts. He wasn’t one to participate in the distinctly Leia, Luke, Ben and Grandpa Ani arguments. Those were reserved for the true Skywalkers in the family, their temperaments difficult to combat.

His uncle then walked across the kitchen to the coffee pot. He picked up the mug sitting beside it and served himself a cup and dumped a spoon full of sugar. As he departed, Han nodded at Rose with an understanding smile and a wink.

“Welcome to the family, kid. Get out while you still can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME TO THE FAMILY ROSE! 
> 
> Well, a lot went down.
> 
> If you cannot tell, Grandpa Ani (Sorry Anakin, you are the character getting the brunt of this, but also you got issues in canon so....) was a emotionally abusive to our protagonists and their parents. As a forewarning, this fic will explore aspects of this and not all the characters in the fic are necessarily sensitive to mental health or sexual identity--which does not represent my views; I think if you are reader of my other work, you are aware of this. 
> 
> And while, this fic is Reylo, it really is about all the character's journeys and their own interpretations about each other and learning how to love their family again. I am hoe for family dramas, what can I say? *shrugs*
> 
> On that note--
> 
> VELVET BOX?
> 
> HUX SUCKS? (Not surprising TBH...)
> 
> BEN, IN THE WORDS OF JOHN MULANEY-- "GET SOME REST TALL CHILD."
> 
> And Finn, you have awful timing.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Love discussing the fic with readers :D


	5. I ought to say no, no, no - Mind if I move in closer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!
> 
> Typos will be fixed later!
> 
> NOTE: An underage kiss does occur in this chapter. But nothing beyond that, nor is anything beyond that implied. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**where the love lights gleam**

 

 

**I ought to say no, no, no - Mind if I move in closer?**

 

* * *

 

 

“I really can't stay, baby it's cold outside

I've got to go away, baby it's cold outside

The evening has been, been hoping that you'd drop in

So very nice, I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice”

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

 

* * *

 

 

**_Rey_ **

The moment she stepped outside, she could see her heavy breaths dancing in the air.

She shivered pathetically; she’d been in worse weather and lower temperatures, living in Washington for almost fours years. But somehow the cool, crisp, and sharp air of the mountain side caused a prickle in her no other winter weather could accomplish.

The first snow of the season hadn’t graced the hilltops and ranges, only halfhearted slush from rain and overnight freeze lingering in the backyard. She lingered on the back porch, eyes scanning the backyard, until she caught sight of the wooden patio swing. Tucked away from eyes view, most of their family forgot it existed. But not Rey, she remembering sitting at the swing for many summer and winter nights, stargazing with awestruck wonder.

 

*

 

_Rocking back and forth on the wooden swing, a seventeen year old Rey craned her neck up at the sky. Winter wasn’t ideal for stargazing, usually fog or clouds obstructing the view. Yet the partially clear skies were more welcoming than the New Year’s party in full swing inside the cabin. Friends and family of the Skywalkers and Solo’s showed up for snacks, games, and lighthearted dancing. Nothing too extravagant, but enough to deter the simplest and reserved guests._

_An escape to the outdoors was not the first thought for many, it snowing a couple of nights previous, Rey taking advantage of this opportunity._

_Wrapped in her winter coat, she snatched a blanket and lighter. She made herself a small flame in one of the many firepits Grandpa Ani loved to ‘collect’; apparently none were to his standard, though they did not work any lesser than the other._

_She sat content, the crackle of the fire and faint breeze keeping her company…_

_Until the backdoor violently swung open. A large_ clack _echoed in the yard, the plastic and metal hitting the house in rocket speed. Heavy feet pounded on the back porch steps, grumbled curses heard through the rustle of a coat and boots hitting mud._

_Peeking over the furthest edge of the swing, Rey caught sight of Ben. He kicked aimlessly at the melted snow a couple of times before coming to a stop. His deep, tired sigh echoed in the yard. He struggled to catch his breath._

_Rey was tempted to run to him, see if he was okay, but knew better not to. Ben liked to be alone, especially when he was upset. Instead, she sunk lower in the swing, hiding away._

_His heavy breathing turned into mournful sobs._

_Rey froze._

_Hiccups and sniffles traveled through the space, no except for Rey to hear._

_Her heart pounded in her chest as she continued to silently listen. She heard Ben cry plenty of times in her life—he was an emotional sort, yelling and shouting in a unhinged mess. And then he’d cry, tears he furiously wiped away before anyone could see. But she noticed. She always noticed._

_Useless, Rey closed her eyes, a sent positive thoughts Ben’s way. Positive thoughts—not_ prayers, _like her father would have probably wanted. He was still bothered by her decision_ _to not attend church with him on Sunday mornings, another tiff to and to the list of arguments between father and daughter. But she was seventeen, going to be eighteen in May—she needed to start making decisions for herself at some point, and hopeful not receive an unforgiving backlash from her family._

_Boots slapped against the wet ground, the sniffles from earlier ceased. The footsteps grew closer until the looming shadow of Ben cascaded across Rey._

_Eyes bloodshot and face moist from tears and snot, Ben blinked curiously down at her._

_“What are you doing out here? Are you trying to catch pneumonia?”_

_Rey sat up, hugging the thick flannel blanket to her lap. “Um—” she pointed up to the sky, “stars,” she uttered quickly as her explanation._

_“In winter?” Ben asked, his voice hoarse but clearing the more he spoke._

_She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t want to be at the party and this was the next best option.”_

_“Not hiding in your bedroom?” he shot back, knowing perfectly well she’d been hiding in one of the guest bedrooms for the last week. She did not care for socializing, nor did she desire to be coerced into another conversation about university. She already picked the college everyone wanted her to attend, her grandparents and father didn’t need to boast their alma mater to her anymore._

_“I thought fresh air was a nice change of pace,” she quipped with a halfhearted shrug._

_He nodded, not finding the need to argue. It seemed he ran from the party too…_

_She shifted over on the swing and patted the space she vacated. “Come join me—we can star gaze in this poor weather together.”_

_To her astonishment, he sat with her. She offered him a corner of her blanket, Ben taking it with a shy, but grateful closed mouth smile. He observed the little hideout she made for herself, eyeing the metal firepit carefully._

_“Where’d you find that?” he nodded to it._

_“The shed with the others.”_

_“And the blanket?”_

_“Nicked it from Nana’s secret stash of good blankets.”_

_He snorted. “You’re a little scavenger aren’t you?”_

_She felt her lips up-turn; a first for the winter break. “I guess. I’m just clever.”_

_“Always the modest one,” he said deadpan, with a subtle eyeroll._

_Rey refrained to argue; Ben seemed calmer, focused on the flicker of the fire than her or whatever happened inside. Gently, he leaned back and set a lazy rock to the swing, his feet on the ground guiding the pace._

_The two fell into a companionable silence; neither feeling the need to speak to one another. Rey eyes danced from the fire and the stars then to Ben…noticing how the light of the flame caused tender shadows and highlights across his pale face. A handsome, angular and pale face he, for some reason, preferred to keep downcast than meet someone face to face._

_For most of her life, she never thought Ben as anything more than…just Ben. Moody, her enemy and defender, smart, and tall. He could help her reach the top of the trees during the summers and build the best pillow forts in the winter. He had large ears and a nose she’d poke at when he was asleep. He’d then scare her moments later, growling and tickling her because he wasn’t really asleep, only pretending. He was awful and wonderful in all the best and worst ways, and that’s what made him just Ben in her eyes._

_But then he somehow became,_ Ben.

 _And she wasn’t sure exactly what caused it; she realizing he was_ Ben _and not just Ben a couple of winters back. One second she’d been playing a competitive game of Monopoly with Finn and then the next she looked up and saw Ben—tall, dark wavy hair, and a warm yet awkward demeanor. She felt the stir of longing in her chest and abdomen, and suddenly Ben was_ a whole lot _more than her dorky adoptive cousin. Rey wanted to be incredibly close and extremely distant from him all at the same time. So she naturally reverted to giving him snappy and harsh comments around their family, to then staring at him absolutely lovesick when no one was watching._

_“What—do I have something on my face?” Ben suddenly asked, noticing her obvious stare._

_“Uh—no,” she said, ducking her head down, “I just zoned out and it happened to be your way. Sorry.” Her explanation seemed to work, Ben not questioning her further._

_Another lapse of silence fell between the two, Rey feeling Ben glancing over at her every so often._

_“Rey,” he began, only to be briefly interrupted by a whoop from inside the house. Both rolled their eyes, Ben turning back to her serious. His brown eyes shined like honey and copper by the fire, his words matching their intensity. “Rey, if you accomplish something, or do something that makes you happy_ —unbelievably happy— _don’t let our family ruin that_ _joy for you.” He swallowed, eyes shining once again with unshed tears. He struggled to get the next words out, Rey unsure if he was speaking to her or to himself. “Because…because you don’t deserve that. No matter what they say.”_

_Rey felt her throat tightened, uncomfortable with his distraught, feeling helpless in his presence._

_“Ben, what happened?”_

_He smiled, a chuckle of utter joy and disbelief bubbling from his chest. “I got the publishing deal. My novel is going to be published.”_

_Excitement at his news filled her veins, Rey unable to hold back her bright grin. “That’s amazing, Ben! When did you find out?”_

_“This morning.”_

_“When is it going to be published and really out there—this is insane! I can say I know a published author!” She rambled on and on, Ben chuckling as her words crashed and fumbled as she rushed to get them out. “Ugh—I’ll shut up now—it’s just—,” she sighed, bold enough in her elation to grasp his hand, “I’m proud of you, Ben. This is everything you’ve ever wanted and now you are getting it.”_

_His eyes widen for a second, before a shy smile formed on his lips. Tenderly, he squeezed her hand and did not let go. “Thank you,” he said softly. “You seem to be the only one here actually happy for me,” he admitted, stunned by his own observation._

_“Well, anyone who isn’t, is an idiot,” she declared. “I don’t care if they are family—this is good news and it should be celebrated. I’m sorry they don’t see it that way.”_

_He nodded in response, his gaze dropping back to the fire in front of them._

_Loud shouting came from the cabin, the two barely able to hear a discernible count down from outside._

_Maybe it was his hardly there smile, or the warmth of his hand, but Rey plucked her new found courage and ran with it. Even if it turned out to be a shit storm, at least it’d be her shit storm._

_As the final chant was exclaimed, Rey surged forward and captured Ben’s lips with her own. His lips were_ absolutely _as soft as she imagined—maybe better, if her imagination weren’t as strong and she knowing how his lips felt when he was forced to kiss her cheek as greeting for the last fifteen years._

_The only problem?_

_Ben wasn’t kissing her back._

_In fact he wasn’t moving. At all._

_Quickly, she pulled away to find Ben staring at her in complete bafflement._

_His Adam’s apple bobbed, his breathing deep and verging on frantic._

_Oh, dear. She fucked up._

_“Ben, I—"_

_“What the hell was that?” he uttered, his throat dry, still not moving._

_“I uh—”_

_“Because you shouldn’t have done that,” he said, the words not sounding like his own. Almost as though something else was possessing his body and voice, reminding her that what she did was wrong. “Wh—why the hell would you even do that—”_

_“I—I,” she shook her head, not having an words to justify or defend her actions. Because what was she supposed to say?_

_I have massive crush on you and I have thought about having you touch me everywhere?_

_No, she wasn’t a fucking idiot._

_But apparently she became mute in a matter of seconds over this uncomfortable debacle._

_“You—you can’t just—just fucking_ kiss _me,”_ _he hissed, his eyes impossibly large and his hands frantically rubbing on his jeans, perspiration evident on both his palms and forehead. “You—you can’t do that Rey. You’re seventeen, I_ twenty-four—” _He inhaled_ _sharply. “Shit. Fucking shit, I kissed a minor—”_

_“I’m going to be eighteen in May,” was her response, Rey immediately cringing at how desperate and whiny she sounded. This was going beyond a shit storm—this was Ben going to full blown panic mode._

_“Still_ seventeen _,” he declared gesturing to her and then to himself, “still_ twenty _-_ four _and fuck—I’m your cousin—”_

_“Not by blood!” she interject quickly. Behind her eyes, she felt a rush of heat and her breathing becoming uneven. “If I knew you were going to be like this—” she shook her head, cutting herself off._

_She needed to get out of there before she made more of a fool of herself._

_Stumbling, she stood up from the swing and dashed past Ben. She ran straight through the yard and towards the back gate. A familiar and short trail she knew by heart, easily navigable in the dark or light._

_However, she only made it a few steps down the path when a hand caught her arm, pulling her back up the steps._

_“Hey get off!” Rey yelped, shoving Ben who easily evaded her whipping arms._

_“What the hell do you think you are doing?” His eyes pinned her down, Rey stunned by the genuine fear and concern coming from him. “It’s freezing, it’s night, and you were just going to go on a_ casual _run in the woods—”_

_“No!” She argued, chin jutted out. “I wasn’t going to run through the woods, just the trail—and why the fuck do you care?”_

_Ben gaped at her, his hands resting on her forearms tightly, keeping her place as though she’d bolt away from him any second. “Of course I care! I’ve always cared about—are you seriously reacting like this because I didn’t kiss you back?”_

_“I-uh—No, no I wasn’t,” she attempted to defend without out sounding too ridiculous. She huffed, staring right up at him, head held high. “No, I…”_

_His eyes searched her face, hoping to find some answers in her hesitance. Unfortunately, Rey wore her heart on her sleeve, Ben coming to a realization as to why she attempted to flee._

_“You…you_ like _me?” he uttered, his voice rising. He…clearly didn’t believe it to be_ _a_ _possibility._

_Grabbing the front of his shirt, she yanked him ungracefully down for another kiss. Their teeth clacked, Ben pulling  away almost immediately, his grip tightening on her forearms. Though he did not push her away, still keeping her close. His head hung low, not looking directly at her._

_“Stop doing that,” he ordered, though a little out of breath. He swallowed tightly. “You shouldn’t be—”_

_Her lips found his again, an agonized sigh escaping him. Tentatively, his mouth moved against hers, his hands traveling up to cradle her face. Unconvincing mutters of ‘we should stop’ and mumbles of ‘this is not okay’ came from Ben, though he made no notion to stop, much to both Rey’s delight and surprise. Instead, he kissed her like it was the only opportunity he’d ever get—and maybe it was—neither seemed to mind as their lips met over and over, in a comforting yet thrilling new way._

_Rey thought she could stand there with him forever, not caring if it was freezing and she was sure her shoes would never be worn again from the mud they currently stood in._

_The sound of the backdoor slamming open startled them apart. Ben held her close, the two watching the cabin through the thin slats of the fence._

_“Rey!” Finn called out, followed by a huff. “Ben!”_

_Neither responded, standing still in the dark as Finn walked around the yard. He came close to the gate, only six feet away from them, the slop of the trail hiding them from immediate view. He came closer, thankfully not possessing a flashlight._

_The door swung open again._

_“Yo, Finn—did you find them?” Poe called out, jogging over to wear Finn stood. “No seems to know where they are.” Neither Rey or Ben were able to see his face, just his shoulder and obnoxious orange parka._

_“Maybe they went for a hike?” Finn suggested._

_“In the middle of the night?” Poe uttered with a chuckle. “You know what? I wouldn’t put it pass them—both were party-poopers tonight.”_

_Finn snorted. “Yeah… they kind of were.”_

_A silence fell between the two, though neither moved, just standing there._

_Huddled close together, Rey and Ben glanced at each other, both exceedingly confused over what was taking the two so long._

_“Do you want to go for a walk?” Poe suggested. “Kick off the new year with some scenic walking?”_

_“Yeah,” Finn agreed readily._

_Their shadows began to make their way to the gate._

_Rey tensed in Ben’s arms. But was thrown off, when he quickly sprang into action, jumping  down and off the trail. Without giving a second thought, Rey jumped after Ben. He caught her just before she completely stumbled down the rest of the hill, keeping her close to his chest._

_Finn and Poe passed by moments later, walking close together down the trail. From their vantage point, Rey and Ben could see most of the path, though they were covered by enough tree and shrub to be out of sight. A few feet away, Finn and Poe came to a stop._

_Rey huffed, looking up at Ben. “Why did they sto—”_

_Her next words were swallowed as she witnessed the scene before—Poe roughly shoved Finn to the nearest tree—_

_And kissed him._

_And Finn kissed back._

_“Holy fucking—”_

_Ben’s massive hand clamped over her mouth, though he too, was in utter shock of what he just witnessed. His hissed a ‘shh’ in her ear, Rey rolling her eyes at his redundancy._

_She then saw Poe hand travel south and—_

_Rey quickly turned away, not wanting to invade on something that was clearly a private moment._

_Ben apparently had the same idea, quietly motioning for her to follow him down the rest of the hill._

_With some balancing acts and stepping into more slush than Rey desired, she and Ben made their way far enough from the trail to still have vague sight of the cabin. Their hands remained clasped together for the duration of their detour, Ben a decent guide through the woods._

_Once they were far enough, Rey stopped in her tracks, yanking Ben back to her._

_“Did—did you see what I saw…?”_

_“Yes,” Ben breathed. “And I’m fucking confused too.”_

_“Glad we’re on the same page,” she uttered, attempting to calm her breathing. She closed her eyes, face screwed up. “They’re fucking, aren’t they?”_

_Ben sighed, running his free hand through his hair. “I have no clue, I am surprised Poe even showed up today. I mean, he hasn’t been here for the last two years.”_

_“And they didn’t tell us?” She didn’t understand why she felt so…_ heartbroken.

_Pursing his lips, Ben merely shook his head._

_It was one thing for Poe to not saying anything…it was another for Finn not to tell her._

_“You…you do realize,” Ben sighed, squeezing her hand. “We can’t tell anyone what happened—between us, between them.”_

_“I know.” She shivered._

_“But I do care….about_ you _.”_

_“Me too.”_

 

 

*

 

 

Pursing her lips, she viciously scuffed her foot in the mud.

And then she scuffed again.

And again.

And again, until there was a little patch of kicked up mud and dirt about a foot away. Lifting her foot, she mashed the little pile back into the earth, some of her pent up anger released in the child-like tantrum. Needless to say, her family was ridiculous, criticism coming in the ten-fold the moment Ben left the room. For an instant, she felt twelve again, watching as Ben huffed and grumbled, his parents fretting on the sidelines as though he were ticking-time bomb. In the past… _maybe_ he was problematic and they needed a ‘solution’…but he was a fucking adult now. With a life and obligations, yet their family treated him like a sullen teen, as though he never grew out of that phase of his life.

Surrounded by familiar yet detached faces, Rey felt helpless and even when she did speak up, she was dismissed or scolded.

Her boots got a bit dirty on the toe, but she didn’t mind, deciding to go on the walk she claimed to be taking.

She only made it a few steps when a voice then called out from behind her.

Glancing over her shoulder, Rey gaped as Poe came rushing down the back porch stairs to where she stood. His puffy parka and hiking boots look out of place with the rest of his chic-hippie professor attire, a change from the memories of Poe residing in her mind. He’d always been the outdoorsy type, it was one of the few things they had in common. To see him in restrictive clothing was…odd and strangely disheartening.

Jogging to catch up with her, she noticed his companion.

“Chewie!” She greeted the obscenely hairy dog. He panted happily, nudging her knee before circling back over to Poe who held his leash with ill-practice. Crouching down, she patting Chewie on the head. He preened under her touch, licking the palm of her hand in gratitude.

Standing beside Chewie, Poe shuffled on his feet. A forced charming smile graced his lips, his perfect teeth glinting back. “Uh—Leia wanted me to take the old guy out. Thought I’d join you on your stroll.”

Rey quirked an eyebrow.

He wanted to _join_ her? Who the fuck was this—because the Poe she knew, would avoid her at all costs. He’d rather spend his entire day working with Han in the auto shop than spend time with her.

“And you know—” he shrugged “—catch up.”

Standing up, she wordless took the leash and began to led Chewie out of the short trail behind the backyard. Rey decide no answer to Poe’s apparent self-invitation was for the best, letting him tag along if he _really_ wanted to. At the least, she had Chewie as a buffer, always the perfect companion for all unfortunate circumstances.

Beside her, Poe kept pace, not once falling behind.

Chewie stopped and sniffed every few steps, as though trying to mark new territory. An impossible feet for the dog, the animal probably defecating along every single inch of the trail at this point of his life.

A few minutes passed before her cousin decide to fill the awkward silence between them.

“So…how’s school?” he ventured, using the only topic anyone knew how to bring up to her.

Rey tsked, hoping down the uneven cement steps. “It’s _school_. Papers, classes, homework.”

His face fell. “Oh.”

Silence ensued.

Luckily, Chewie found a spot to finally take a shit.

Disinterestedly, Rey watched the dog do his business. Awful company caused a shift of perspective for her. Better to watch Chewie attempt to use the restroom than stare back at Poe with blatant disdain.

Poe exhaled deeply, eyes scanning the low, bare branches above their heads. “Are you making friends? Met any guys?”

_What the fuck?_

Rey’s face scrunched up, lips twisting as she considered the question. Did he seriously just ask her if she was _making friends_? Like she was in fucking grade school? She knew Poe was dense, but this was an entirely knew level she did not think existed.

“Poe,” Rey began, his name spoken eerily slow. She peeked up at him with pursed lips and furrowed brows. “How _old_ do you think I am?”

He thought for a moment before giving her a sheepish grin. “Uh—Ah—um _twenty_?” He tried only to back track with in seconds. “No—no—no—uh, nineteen—”

“I’m twenty-three!” she proclaimed, unable to hide her disbelief. He didn’t know how old she was? Poe was apparently a bigger dipshit than she thought. “I’m twenty-fucking-three years old! I think I know how to make friend—”

He shook his head, looking back up the trail. “I know you are—” His face then harden, Poe practically glaring at her. “I know you are older—I just forgot, Miss I’ve-Been-In-School-Forever! It’s difficult to keep track of!”

“We’ve been in the same family for almost twenty years, and you don’t know how old I am?” she squinted at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Because that’s fucking bullshit—”

“Has anyone ever told you how terrible of a potty mouth you have?” Poe interjected with scowl. “Because it’s like ‘ _fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck’_ every five words. It’s little overboard, Rey,” he said, sounding exactly like their parents—scolding her, as though he had the authority to do so.

“Has anyone every told what a _fucking_ ,” she stressed the word viciously, earning an eyeroll, “moron you are? And what fuddy-duddy you can be grandpa, because wow fifty is not a good look for you—”

Poe gaped at her, exhaling harshly through his nostrils. “ _I’m thirty!”_

Rey scoffed. “I know, because unlike you, I know my cousin’s age and birthday!”

“Well you never fucking call!”

A shrill noise of bafflement tore through her, Rey unable to comprehend the nerve of Poe to throw blame on her for something as trivial as not wishing someone ‘happy birthday’. She did try to call, plenty of times. Sure, she despised his gutsYet it always went to voicemail until one day it stopped and the automated voice informed her the line had been disconnected.

“Because you fucking _changed_ your number when you went off to be some other person, living the dream with a bakery and sugar daddy lawyer who has a stick up his ass!” Rey growled back.

She didn’t need to be subjected to his terrible small talk and false judgements.

Turning on her heel, she whistled and tugged at Chewie. The dog whimpering but following her dutifully. “Come on, Chew. Lets leave the poor, sad little man alone in the woods where the _rabid bears_ can get him,” she cooed loudly to her canine companion.

Behind her, she heard Poe’s feet rush up the steps, attempting to catch up with her.

“Hey—that’s not funny, Rey! There _are_ bears up here—”

“And they are going to eat you and enjoy the fat you’ve acquired in your thirties.”

A soft whined of panic came from her cousin, always the coward. While he enjoyed the outdoors, he feared the animals lurking in the shadows. He’d cower and duck between Ben and his cousins during their camping excursions, one time even crying through the night. No one spoke of his little phobia, keeping it between the four of them. They respected each other’s genuine fears and anxieties.

Well, that is until _now_.

Rey smirked, sharing a brief glance over to Chewie—the dog was keeping great pace despite his age, almost eager at charging up the lopsided trail. She knew _exactly_ what cause a potentially early mid-life crises for her dear older cousin. “Dare I say—I think _Ben_ might be the fitter brother theses days! _What a shocker_!”

An indignant grumbled sounded from him; she didn’t need to look to know Poe’s face darkened and his lips were pulled into a tight, petulant scowl.

Please with herself, Rey took two steps at a time, leaving Poe a good ten feet away in her haste.

He could figure his way back to the cabin on his own—after all that’s how he liked it.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Ben_ **

 

A dark green mug was placed at the corner of the little desk.

Ben blinked, his eyes watering from lack of sleep and the strain of staring at the glowing blue screen.

When did that get there?

“You forgot your coffee.” Ben tilted his head up to find his father leaning against the bedpost. “I figured that’s why you even came down there in the first place,” he waved to the mug, “thought you should have it.”

“Oh.”

The Solo men a shared a silent nod, Ben picking up the mug. He sipped it; exactly how he liked it. Or better yet, how his dad liked it, the two sharing a similar opinion on the beverage—hot, dark, and only a spoon full of sugar. Anything else and the balance of bitter and sweet was destroyed and it was some hipster shit. Neither were fond of ‘hipster shit’.

“Thank you,” Ben said quietly. He set his mug down, peering up at his dad. The old man wouldn’t just trek up the stairs to drop off a mug of coffee for his son with a reason. Yeah, they cared for each other, but they were not keen on performing small gestures for one another. “Is there anything else…?”

“Were your mom and I shitty parents?”

Ben’s brain short-circuited. He was not expecting _that_.

His mouth working for an answer, the younger man unable to think as his father waited impatiently for him to speak. With two degrees in English and a minor in Latin, all Ben Solo could utter was—“ _What_?”

“You can be honest.” Han sat down on the edge of the bed, the two men eye level. “I won’t take it personally.”

“But…it _is_ personal,” Ben remarked, not liking how the phrase was thrown into the conversation. To be perfectly honest, he was not liking the conversation, at all period.

The Solo’s were not one’s to have heart to hearts, or speak about their feelings. The most Ben ever received from his father from an emotional stand point was a pat on the back when he graduated high school and subsequently college. Solo men were back-patters to each other, despite Ben clearly being a loving and affectionate child and eventually a passionate and caring adult. Not to mention Han _could_ be emotional…with Leia, and occasionally Luke. Just…Ben and his dad didn’t do that with each other.

Pressing his lips together, Ben eyed his father warily. “You _should_ take it personal, whatever I say or don’t.” His eye widened at the lack of visible reaction. “Because I am your _son_ , and not to be conceited or anything, but what I say should matter.” Ben finished his sentence with more a question, on unsure footing as to why exactly his father was bringing this topic up.

A heavy sigh escaped Han. He rubbed the white stubble on his jaw, his eyes lost in thought.

“Ben…when you marry someone—” Han paused, adjusting his shoulders and looking Ben dead in the eye, trying to convey what he was about to say was important. Raising an eyebrow, Ben listened with intent, mostly curious as to what prompted the initial question. “When you marry someone…well, _if_ you marry someone—we’ve never had much hope for you to get hitched but you know if happens, happens and if it doesn’t—”

“Dad, I do plan to eventually marry,” Ben interjected before his dad could fall down the rabbit hole of over explaining. “Not right now of course, but maybe a few years down the road, once things are more settled—”

“See, be _settled_!” Han declared, his voice booming in the room. Ben shrunk at his father’s loud voice, old unnecessary and illogical instincts triggered. “When you marry someone make sure you are settled and don’t rush into things—never rush into things!”

Ben quirked an eyebrow, puzzled by these outbursts of wisdom—could it even be called ‘wisdom’ when there was not a rhyme or reason to the conversation?

“I…I…” Ben licked his lips, his voice cracking as he spoke, “I have zero intention to rush into things with anyone, Dad.” He turned to his laptop, taping the pad to wake it back up. “Honestly, I think I am the _last_ person you need to worry about when it comes to rushing into relationships.”

Not a total lie, but also not the complete truth. He and Rey did rush— _they rushed a lot_ —but then slowed down somewhere in the middle. Figured things out together, taking the time to truly make the effort in the relationship because there was no going back to what was before. Being together was a risky and reckless, but a choice they made together. And the marriage thing? Marriage was not discussed in detail between the couple, matrimony mentioned once in a blue moon.

Han sighed with relief. “Good. Good.” He rocked a little, before standing back up. “Just don’t jump into marriage while you are young or get a young girl wrapped into your mess—just live life, and don’t…” He shook his head, chuckling under his breath. “Don’t do the whole family thing until you are ready or sure because you can end up like—” Han didn’t finished, instead just patting Ben’s shoulder. He then looked down at him with warm misery. “You’re an okay kid, Ben. I hope you know that.”

Shaking Ben’s shoulder, Han nodded once and made his way out of the room.

Stock-still, Ben did not move. He gaze remained trained on the spot where his dad sat, bewildered.

“What the fuck?” he said to aloud to himself, unable to process what just happened.

Han Solo was acting… _weird_. And Ben didn’t know what to make of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL
> 
> UH. YEAH.
> 
> MORE DRAMA.
> 
> FINN AND POE, le gasp. 
> 
> Also, brief clarification: Rey and Ben do not get together after this. No, no, no. They don't get together until she is nineteen because of REASONS. And they don't sleep together until they are officially together later.
> 
> AND HAN. WHAT'S UP DUDE? You're getting your son SUPER confused. AND REY--you are so evil, girl. I love you.
> 
> We'll get a Finn and Poe POV in the next chapter, along with another Rey and Ben. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! :D Comments and kudos are always appreciated; love discussing fic with readers!


	6. later on we'll conspire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here is another chapter and we finally start figure some misunderstandings occurring amongst our lovely cast of characters.
> 
> Typos will be fixed later! 
> 
> Enjoy!

**where the love lights gleam**

 

**later on we'll conspire**

* * *

 

 

_"Later on we'll conspire_

_As we dream by the fire_

_To face unafraid_

_The plans that we've made_

_Walking in a winter wonderland"_

_Winter Wonderland_  

 

* * *

 

**_Poe_ **

 

Dinner was… for the lack of a better term… awkward. Because it wasn’t a terrible occasion, however it was not the best.

The meal was comfort food thrown together by Luke and Leia, mac and cheese and Nana’s classic homemade biscuits along with some green bean casserole. Finn helped them set up the table and prep the food, his girlfriend tagging along gleeful and chatting up a storm with the twins. If there was one thing Poe learned with moments of being in her presence, Rose Tico was a _talker_ —more of a talker than Poe ever imagined Finn to end up with. She was able to speak easily with anyone, whether that Leia and her politics, Luke and his botany, or Han and his mechanics. Rose Tico knew how to make genuine conversation and she flourished at it.

No wonder Finn was so enamored with her. Any one with eyes could see she was beacon in this desolate world. A spark of hope. Finn was clever enough to see that—or maybe he was just damn lucky and knew how to keep his shit together. Poe remained unsure on the matter.

After their walk, Rey and Chewie claimed an arm chair in the living room by Nana, watching a re-run of _I Love Lucy_ on the television.

Poe could not help but glare at the sight of her.

She willing left him behind in the wood, not caring if he got lost or was attacked by a wild animal. It been a predictable move from her, Rey all hostility and taunts. During their childhood, Poe fleetingly thought maybe she had a school girl crush on him, hence the mean words and grumblings. However, he quickly came to conclusion this was _not_ the case.

Briefly, Poe recalled a winter almost seven years back. He’d come for a visit, guilt tripped by Leia, with empty promises of not having to interact with Grandpa Ani. Of course, he did interact with the old bastard, and received some choice words from him, mostly along the lines of how he was throwing his life away by being a pilot.

Ironic considering Grandpa Ani had been a pilot once upon a time.

But through all the stilted exchanges and scolding, Poe noticed his little cousin mooning over his older brother. A development Poe _never_ imagined.

After all, Rey was the youngest and Ben was the oldest. She was bratty and annoying, while Ben was emotional and reclusive. Not to mention the two had seven years between them—it made sense for the two to be consumed with thoughts of someone closer to their own age, not with _each other_.

Because the longer Poe observed…he realized it wasn’t just Rey. It was Ben too.

She just openly stare at Ben with a foolish grin and bright, doe eyes and then duck away if he so much as twitched.

Ben was no better, eyes traveling to where ever Rey roamed, always aware of her vicinity. Gaze lingering on her form, before turning away with guilt.

Reasonably, Poe thought their little eye banter of cat and mouse would die after years of separation. They were all grown ass adults, little mind games were something for hormonal teenagers, not people who were trying to have stable relationships and careers.

Apparently, neither of their weird little crushes went away. Or at the very least, Rey’s didn’t. Dinner was evidence enough.

The dinning table was crowded with the extra chairs, but they made it work. Both Armitage and Ben were coaxed downstairs. Neither were keen to share a meal, but Ben took a seat between Rey and Rose, and did as he was told. He probably wanted to get back to writing. Apprehensive, Armitage eventually just took the open seat beside Poe and politely ate the green bean casserole.  They ate in silence, though Rey snuck glances at Ben the entire time—not as though she thought him to explode in an outburst of anger, but genuine concern for him…for something Poe could not put his finger on.

Han and Leia oddly remained silent, not even sharing a battle of glares or knowing glances, too consumed with their own minds and worlds to spare a moment for each other.

Completely unaware of the various tensions at the table, Luke made small talk, talking about the nursey and the plans for the spring season. Rey remained disengaged in the conversation, Finn speaking up to fill the void. _Like always._ Rose soon joined the conversation, the three speaking like old buddies.

Poe may have rolled his eyes when Rose started to discuss her herb garden she kept on her terrace back in Los Angeles. Of course, perfect beacon of light happened to be a gardener as well.

Once Ben’s plate was clean, he left the table with a muttered excuse. He climbed agonizingly slow up the stairs, Leia and Han sharing—for the first time that night—a troubled glance.

Still sitting at the table, Rey shoved around her green beans and picked up another biscuit, her fifth of the night.

“Slow down there, don’t want to get a stomach ache,” Luke warned his daughter.

Mid-chew, Rey paused, quirking an eyebrow. “It’s _bread_. I think I will be fine,” she said with food in her mouth.

Luke’s nose wrinkled. “At least chew with your mouth closed.”

She swallowed, opening her mouth for him to see it was empty. “Then don’t speak to me when I have food in my mouth.”

“Rey—I heard you are getting a degree in sociology,” Rose interjected flawlessly, before a petty argument could transpire between father and daughter. “What’s you favorite part of it or aspect?”

Rey blinked, taking another bite of her biscuit. She chewed slowly, Rose waiting patiently for her to finish. Poe could tell by the glint in her eye, Rey was purposely taking her sweet time. However, Rose was willing to go head to head with her, all with a polite smile.

Rey finally swallowed. “I like looking at demographics and how society has changed—in influx of attitudes and numbers. Very interesting stuff,” she answered plainly, thought honestly. “Though I’d prefer to go into counselling, be a family counsellor.”

An involuntary bark of laughter escaped Poe. All eyes jumped to him.

Frozen, Poe coughed, crossing his arms over his chest. “What? I just think it’s funny that you of all people want to be a family counsellor.”

“I do…” Rey said slowly. “I am looking at applying to grad schools.”

“ _Grad schools_?” Luke uttered, astonished and not entirely pleased with the news. “Why haven’t you mentioned this?”

“Because I didn’t think you would want to know,” Rey shot back to her father. Her head then whipped to Poe, challenging him. “And why is it so shocking I want to be a family counsellor?”

Poe opened and closed his mouth, looking around the room for help. Instead, everyone’s eyes were focused on their plates and the food, not keen to engage. “Come on—Rey you were an _awful_ kid, and you argue all the time. You were the poster child of the kid who got into fights every day and was sent to the principal’s office. It’s kind of hilarious you know want to be a guide for those types of kids and families—”

Her biscuit hit his face.

With a pathetic thud, it bounced to the floor.

Poe didn’t react, choosing to ignore her attack.

“Screw you, Poe,” Rey said simply.

Dusting off her hands, she stood up and took her plate to the kitchen.

At the head of the table, Nana Paddy snorted quietly to herself before resuming her meal. A small smile remained on her lips for the rest of dinner, Poe feeling lighter at the sight.

 

* * *

 

**_Rey_ **

 

Hiding in the kitchen, Rey sat with a cooling mug of English Breakfast tea. She finished her dinner out of her family’s view and cleaned her dishes, the methodical and mundane task soothing.

Staring at the steam rising from her mug, Rey come to the conclusion she should have not thrown her buttermilk biscuit at Poe. It was uncalled for and childish, but being in their grandmother’s home and around each other caused her worst behavior to make a visit. She probably made the less than pleasant dinner more despairing with her and Poe’s brief spat. Furthermore, her obnoxious cousin appeared miserable at the dinner table, unable to engage in any meaningful conversation with Ginger Demon.

A man who Poe apparently had been seeing for the last two years.

Rey found the claim difficult to believe.

While she did not know their relationship intimately, Rey could sense a distance between the two, a vague disinterest in one another.

As she took a sip of her tea, the kitchen door swung open.

Rose ambled happily in, taking a stack of dishes to the sink.

Unintentionally, Rey’s eyes narrowed on the woman.

Rose Tico was adorable, anyone could come to that conclusion. Spunky, talkative, and compassionate, she was too good to be true.

In fact, Rey believed the petite woman was _too good_ for Finn.

Despite loving her brother as much as a virtually estranged sister could, Rey knew Finn to be, for the lack of better term, a _runner_. As children, they’d play hide-and-seek out in the woods behind Nana and Grandpa’s house and he’d be the first to go running back to the cabin at the slightest sound. Whenever their dad would come in, seeing the living room and bedrooms were a mess, Finn would point at her and run to his room to hide. His first serious relationship, a sweet girl named Lily, she told Finn she loved him at prom. In a panic, he abandoned the poor thing in the middle of the dance floor.

All in all, Finn was a _runner_ , the term ‘coward’ too harsh for the usually caring man. For him to be with someone so _sure_ of themselves and genuine with their words and actions…it was being in a topsy-turvy world. Because surely Finn would not have the discipline and courage to stay with someone for more than six months, let alone _three years_.

As someone who’d been in a relationship for three years, Rey had an inkling something wasn’t exactly right with Rose and Finn.

She just didn’t know _what_.

And she planned to figure it out.

Picking up her tea, Rey left the kitchen, forcibly smiling in goodbye to Rose.

 

* * *

 

 

**Ben**

 

He woke up to the sound of Rey opening the bedroom door.

"Hey—how's the writing going?" she asked, a gentle hand brushing away the loose hair flopped in his face.

"I caved and asked for a two week extension," he admitted begrudgingly.

Honestly he didn't want to—Ben was not one to ask for deadline extensions or favors. He'd find a way to get what needed to be done completed and be true to his word.

Yet this particular deadline was slowly killing him.

Rey would argue it was because life could be a bitch. Schedules changing, moving, and just the ins and outs of daily living disrupted his former process.

While he appreciated her noble attempt of faith and optimistic realism, however Ben defied that thought. He knew deep down there was no one else to blame but himself. He let himself wallow over Rey's move for too long and then wrote one shitty draft of the next novel. One he immediately rewrote and rewrote and rewrote to the point he wasn’t sure he knew if he was hindering or aiding the story with the direction he shoved it towards.

"I thought you were almost done—"

"I just need a break from it," Ben mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning into her touch. "Take a breather—"

"Ben Solo? Taking a break?" She teased softly, fingers combing through his hair. Her trimmed nails subtly scratched his scalp, a tantalizing comfort.

“Yes, a break,” he peaked an eye open. She stood above him, her face upside down from his perspective. Loose strands of hair danced around her face, Ben reaching up to tuck them behind her ears. Leaning forward she pressed a quick kiss to his lips, smiling down at him.

“Well, I am proud of the mature decision you made.” Her hands played with his hair once more, braiding a loose crown with his locks.

“I wouldn’t really call it _mature_ , in fact the opposite—”

“ _Ben_ ,” Rey stated sternly. Her eyebrow quirked, challenging him to contradict her again.

Luckily, Ben learned how to choose his battles. Standing from the chair, his back ached, stressed from being in roughly the same position for the majority of the day.

“Alright, I get it. I made the right decision.” His hands rested on the top of her shoulders, before trailing down her arms to her hands. “And now I get to finally rest,” he declared, feeling relief at the idea. However he pulled Rey closer, she grinning coyly up at him. “Or we can _just_ —”

“ _No_ ,” she shook her head, leaning away from him, “what did we agree on?”

Groaning dramatically, he dropped his head on her shoulder. “I know, I know, and I understand but,” his lips dragged along the exposed skin of her neck to the underside of her jaw, “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“I know,” she mumbled, ducking her head away reluctantly, “but we _agreed_ to be careful. And that means no more sex, or randomly—” his mouth latched on to hers, a quivering sigh of longing escaping her. For a moment, the two were lost in embrace, her hands grasping for the front of his shirt, as his hands held her face close. The tantalizing gaze of her tongue against his sent him into autopilot. Carefully he edged her close to one of the beds, feeling her press closer to him, the subtle curve of her body and press of her chest against his urging him on. Their conversation seemed like a distant memory…

That is until Rey broke away from him. With all her restraint, she kept her distance, her lips swollen from their previous activity. Struggling for air, she resorted to shaking her head. “No—no, don’t do that thing where you try to convince me with that mouth—" She waved her index finger in front of his face, he playfully attempting to bite it. She scowled. “—in places because that’s _not_ a fair fight,” she argued, swallowing tightly.

Ben refrained from smirking, suddenly feeling the exhaustion come back to him in a pounding wave. He exerted _maybe_ a tad bit too much energy right there,; worth it, but now he truly felt the wisdom of her attempted words.

“Fine,” he resigned, “But we sleep together, even if it means making a bed on the floor—” she clearly did not believe him about the sleep on the floor bit, a glimmer of mocking disbelief in her hazel eyes, “—fine maybe not the floor. But pushing the mattresses together,” he suggested.

“Okay, that sounds better.” She turned away from his hold, grabbing the pillows behind her from the bed. “Because sharing a twin with you for less than thirty minutes was difficult enough as it is.”

Ben chuckled to himself at her comment, before walking over to the door. She must have not realized she didn’t close it all the way, a mere crack left.

A stroke of panic inflicted Ben.

_What is someone saw, or heard them what if—_

A loud boisterous laugh and chatter from downstairs then echoed in the cabin.

Air expelled from his lungs at the sound; everyone appeared to be downstairs, and there wouldn’t be a reason for anyone to come to the bedroom at the end of the hall, unless they were looking for either himself or Rey.

The probability of _that_ was slim.

“Hey, I need some help,” Rey called from behind him as she shoved the mattress roughly. “If you don’t help I’m forcing you to sleep on the floor, and we all know what that would to your back, old man,” she teased brightly.

Shaking the unnecessary panic away, Ben shut the door and locked it.

“Don’t hog all the blankets, I actually would like to be kept warm this go around…”

 

* * *

 

**_Finn_ **

 

“Hey, did you find your charger?” he asked as Rose came down from the stairs.

While it was early to make such claims, Finn believed their little charade had been a success thus far. His family adored Rose, save for Rey and her lackluster attitude and Ben’s head in the clouds of sci-fi and writing.  His ‘girlfriend’ had been a gem at dinner, talking and chatting with the family as though they were her own. Some of them migrated to the living room after dinner, Leia and Luke arguing lightly over which Christmas movie they should watch. Meanwhile Nana Paddy had already turned in for the night, asking Poe to help her get settled for bed.

Clutching her phone in her hand, still charger less, Rose came over to the sofa.  Her lips and eyebrows were pulled taut, a eye sharp on the floor, deep in thought.

Finn frowned, sitting up. “Hey, Rose—are you alright?”

“Huh?” she blinked at him, her mouth screwed up, as though she was tasting a tart. She noticed his concern, a half-hearted though hardly reassuring laugh filling the void. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, I just…I have a silly but kind of important question.” She took a seat beside him, the others preoccupied with their own matters to pay attention to their conversation.

“Sure what is it?”

Hesitancy clouded her eyes, her mouth struggling to find the words. “What…what is Ben and Rey’s relationship like?” she asked, her voice low.

“What do you mean…”

She huffed, adjusting to sit facing him fully. “Like…are they close? Do they keep in contact…” she trailed off, glancing over at his family. Her voice was then over a whisper. “ _Have they hooked-up_?”

Finn blanched. Was Rose _implying_ ….? “What?”

Rose shushed him, standing up and dragging him over to the unoccupied kitchen. She halted the swinging door behind her.

“Rose, what are you talking about?”

She rushed around the room, checking for anyone around before pulling Finn over to the coffee station set in the corner of the room.

Taking a deep breath, she spoke slowly. “I…saw Rey _and_ Ben making-out in their room—”

“ _Making-out?”_ he hissed.

“Yes,” she nodded frantically, keep her voice low enough for only Finn to hear. “I went to ask Ben for my charger back, he needed to borrow it, and then I saw it! Like mouth on mouth action, moaning and I can bet my next paycheck they were about to do a _whole_ _lot_ more than make-out!”

Finn sputtered.

_Rey and Ben?_

That just _didn’t_ make sense.

Rey and Ben always had an odd dynamic. Ben was her defender, far kinder and nicer to Rey than he’d ever been with Finn. Rey looked up to Ben for most of her younger years, finding him to be the coolest out of all their family. The two bonded over movies and books, Rey becoming Ben’s scrappy little shadow. That was until Rey’s brash honesty and independence finally spoke from within the girl, Ben becoming lumped with the rest of the adults in her eyes. As time went on their age difference made another divide, the two never actually having reason to keep in contact other than being family.

“They don’t even talk to each other,” Finn insisted, not quite believing Rose’s claim.

“Well, _duh_ , because they are macking on each other!” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, with both their physiques and attributes they’d make beautiful children together, so something good _can_ come from all this—"

“Please stop.” Finn cringed at the mental image of Rey and Ben…. _doing things_. “I’d rather not think about my sister and cousin having intercourse.” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word ‘sex’ in relation to them. Dropping his face in his hands, Finn groaned. “This just doesn’t make sense! Them, being together—”

“No one said they were _together_ ,” Rose reminded him. “They were just getting hot-and-heavy.”

Finn didn’t even bother to comment on her never ending slew of innuendos. “No, I _know_ Rey and Ben,” he said, unsure if he was trying to convince himself or Rose. “The two are as cautious as they come. Ben thinks of a billion scenarios before he makes the first step and Rey will only do something if she deeply believes in it or has faith, there is always a reason—not always a great reason,” he could think of a hundred situations that were caused by not so ‘great’ reasons, “—but a _reason_ behind their actions.”

“So you think—”

“If they really were ‘making-out,’” he rolled his eyes at the term, but it did not hide his anger and betrayal well, “Then it might be the real deal with them.”

“Shit,” Rose breathed. “That’s insane.”

“Yeah,” Finn uttered, “Insane.” He then steeled himself. “Which means we don’t tell anyone and we especially don’t tell them we might know.”

Rose frowned, not following his logic. “Why not? If they are a thing…they are hiding it and there has to be a reason why they are hiding it, right?” Her face fell, as realization slowly donned on her. She smiled apologetically at him, however she was clearly bothered by where her thoughts lingered. “Finn, don’t get me wrong, your family has been welcoming but…they aren’t exactly the _nicest_ or _understanding_ of you guys, especially Rey and Ben. They criticize them all the time, and maybe saying they are _you know_ , in a relationship with each other will cause a backlash and—”

“Well, _yeah_ Rose, it’s going to cause a backlash,” Finn stressed, rubbing his forehead. His thoughts flew to all the arguments and shouting matches that would occur if Rey and Ben were truly together in the romantic sense.

Their family would probably implode.

She glared up at him, daring him to interrupt her again. Wisely, Finn choose to remain silent. “I’m saying, if they fear backlash and everything that your family will say, maybe you coming forward and saying you support them or understand, can _help_ them.”

“But that’s the thing,” Finn knew he should hold his tongue, but he’d always been honest with Rose. She was a walking lie detector, he had no option but to be honest because she’d know in an instant. “I _don’t_ support them.”

Rose flinched as though she’d been slapped.

“ _What_?—what do you mean you ‘don’t support them’?”

Finn stared right back down at her, knowing he made a mistake to tell her the truth. “I meant what I said—I don’t support them.”

Rose stood taller, taking a step forward, eyes hard and set on him. “They are your family!”

“And I know them, and Rey and Ben being together is possibly the worst thing that could happen!” he hissed back, not understanding why Rose was getting worked up over people she barely knew. She wasn’t friends with Rey or Ben, nor did she grow up them wreaking havoc in her life. _Finn did_. “You don’t know them like I do.”

“Well, I am starting to think you don’t know them at all. Maybe I am better off not knowing them like you do.”

Rose huffed, turning on her heel and marching out of the room.

Helplessly, Finn watched her go, feeling guilt gnaw at his chest. Being honest _always_ had its consequences.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ROSE AND FINN KNOW!
> 
> BEN SHOULD HAVE BELIEVED HIS PANIC!
> 
> REY IS SUSPICIOUS OF ROSE!
> 
> Poe....HAS THOUGHTS ON MANY THINGS!
> 
> *rubs hands together* things are going to get wild.
> 
> And we still haven't even met all our characters in this impending mess! We'll meet them next chapter!
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated :)


	7. white winter hymnal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN UPDATE!
> 
> This took longer than expect to write, mostly because it is laying some ground work for the next couple of chapters! :)
> 
> Typos will be fixed later!
> 
> Enjoy!

**where the love lights gleam**

 

**white winter hymnal**

* * *

 

 

 

_"I was following the pack_

_All swallowed in their coats_

_With scarves of red tied 'round their throats_

_To keep their little heads_

_From falling in the snow_

_And I turned 'round and there you go"_

_-_ _White Winter Hymnal_ by Fleet Foxes

 

* * *

 

 

**_Ben_ **

 

Mornings usually meant tranquility for Ben.

For most of his life he’d been the only early riser around, except for Rey, and even then she preferred to keep to herself in the wee hours of the day. Neither of his parents were morning people, nor did they enjoy each other’s company for something mundane like breakfast. At a young age, Ben taught himself how to make his own eggs and bacon and toast, not to mention making a perfect bowl of cereal without fail every time. Writing and reading were reserved for the mornings, his creativity rising in tandem with the sun.

If Ben’s entire life could only be summed up with mornings, he’d be in a better mood seventy-five percent of the time. However, his life did not solely consist of mornings and unfortunately not all his mornings could not be spent relatively alone.

The reality of this hit him as he entered the kitchen at six-thirty, to find an odd mix of individuals awake and surrounding the kitchen table.

Sitting at the head of the table, Luke drank his tea happily as Rose and Poe sat with him with their mugs of steaming coffee. A tense, awkward gathering. Neither Rose or Poe looked happy to be locked into a never ending conversation with Luke, eyes scanning for a way out at every opportunity. All Ben needed to do was get in and get out.

Get in and out.

In and out— _with coffee_. For himself.

Rey would need to fend of herself if she wanted any. He loved her, but it was every man for themselves in these situations.

“Hey, Ben!” Poe greeted.

_Shit._

Only a few feet away from the coffee pot, Ben froze.

Sighing deeply, he turned to Poe. He didn’t bother to fake a smile. “ _Hey_ ,” was his less than luster response. Luke and Rose smiled and waved their own hellos, Ben nodding to each once.

Realizing Ben wasn’t going to say much more, Poe cleared his throat, shooting a glance at his other two companions. “What brings you here?”

Ben did not have the patience for this shitty small talk. “Coffee. Breakfast. My alarm clock?” he spouted off in rapid fire speed, before resuming his quest for caffeine.

Poe did not continue speaking, a resigned huff coming from him—a sound of victory for Ben. Luke once again started his conversation, almost as if Ben never entered in the first place, “—gophers are little menaces, I am a telling you. Never had an infestation as bad as—"

Grabbing a mug, Ben started to pour himself coffee.

“How did you sleep?”

He flinched slightly at the question, blinking at the short woman beside him. Rose Tico beamed quiet at him.

“Um,” he dumped a spoon full of sugar into his mug; Rose cringed at the sight, “as well as one could in a freezing cabin and in a twin bed.”

And it was the truth. Sleeping on the twin beds, even pushed together, was rough for Rey and Ben. Every so often, one of them would slip through the slim space between the mattresses and ruin their poorly made make-shift bed. It got to the point Rey curled away and laid in her own little corner rather than cocooned next to him.

Rose nodded thoughtfully, picking up the pot and filling her mug once more. “I understand; Finn and I had to share the pull out couch upstairs. Somewhere around three in the morning I left to just sleep down here,” she admitted sheepishly.

Ben felt himself chuckle at that. “The pullout in the loft area?”

“Yup,” she said exasperatedly, “But don’t tell anyone—I think you Uncle is banking on Finn and I giving him grandchildren soon.”

Ben snorted into his coffee, erupting into coughs. “ _What_?”

“Yeah,” Rose shrugged sadly, taking a dainty sip of her coffee. “Apparently he doesn’t think Rey will ever give him grandchildren and has been harping Finn about it the entire trip.”

Ben squinted at his mug, absentmindedly pawing at his shirt to pat down the wet coffee stains. He never knew Luke to be so…adamant on the prospect of children, let alone _grandchildren_. It wasn’t as though he genuinely wanted children when he adopted Finn and Rey. Their adoption, sadly, was more out of obligation for the old man. Finn was adopted out of respect for a friend who was passing, and Rey… Rey was a _Kenobi_. If anyone knew anything about Kenobi’s was their bond with the Skywalker family. To leave her to the foster system after her parents, then her grandfather’s passing wasn’t fathomable.

“Why does he think Rey would never give him grandchildren?” Ben could not help but ask, a little perturbed Luke would vocalize such an assessment. While Rey and Luke grew apart through the years, he questioning serval of her life choices…having children was never something he’d touch upon. When it came to matters of a woman’s body such as reproduction, Luke wouldn’t touch that conversation with a ten foot pole.

Rose pursed her lips, picking up the hazelnut creamer. Slowly she poured, sending him an apologetic glance. “Well…she hasn’t really been dating anyone seriously,” she paused glancing up at him, “at least from what I heard. And most of her life is focused on what she wants to do and her career. Finn even mentioned she hates kids—”

“She doesn’t hate kids,” Ben interjected with an eyeroll. “She just doesn’t…like them,” he finished lamely.

Kids…they talked about kids a couple of times. Neither were keen on them—loud, gross, and fragile little gremlins—but they would have _one,_ mostly for the sake of having one. Not a great reason, but were people these days willingly having children with good reason besides for their own selfish desire to be a parent?

Leaning against the kitchen counter, Rose raised her eyebrows, sipping her coffee slowly. Her small eyes scrutinized his every move, Ben afraid to even blink. This no longer felt like an easy, simple chit-chat about the drafty cabin but more so an interrogation. When the fuck did that happen?

“And you know this because…?”

Ben frowned darkly at the petite woman. “Because Rey and I talk.”

“Hm,” Rose murmured, “So you’d know if she was seeing someone?”

Ben knew a trap when he saw one and this Rose Tico was playing a game he did not know the name of. Carefully, he stepped back and nodded once to her. “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I haven’t seen her in a few months, so you are talking to the wrong man about this, Miss Tico.”

Her curiosity fell into contempt, Rose going back to her seat with Poe and Luke.

Picking up his coffee, Ben left the kitchen without a goodbye.

He didn’t like the questions and inquisitive eyes of Rose Tico. She was pleasant enough to let him borrow her cell phone charger and chat with without getting too deep or philosophical. However it seemed he was too quick to judge.

“Oh, Benjamin!” The voice of his grandmother called from the living room. “I need your help dear.”

He paused on his trek back to his room. With a deep sigh, Ben turned around and went to the living room. Standing by the bookshelf she smiled tenderly at him, arms open for a hug. Naturally, he stooped down and hugged her in greeting.

Pulling away, her hand brushed away a stray lock from his eyes. “Oh, your hair is getting too long my boy, you will need to cut it soon.”

He stressed a smile, this conversation nearly as old as time. “I like it long.”

“You like it long because it covers your delightful ears,” she countered easily, knowing him too well. She pinched his right ear lightly. “They are nothing to be ashamed of,” she tutted, ignoring Ben’s obvious frown.

He ducks his head away, choosing to peer up at the bookshelf. “You need me to get a book down?”

“Oh yes,” Nana Paddy’s hand pats his arm, her wrinkled skin brushing coolly against the rough patch of his elbow. “I need the blue book, the one at the top.”

He reached up and grabbed the copy, considering the title as he handed it over to Nana Paddy. “ _Wuthering Heights_? I thought Grandpa Ani was the romantic,” he teased. His grandfather was better known to be sitting with his worn copies of Austen, Dickens, and Wells preferring to live in his own fantasy than be around his family. He often read romantic novels, quoting them to Nana Paddy, however she rarely read the material herself.

“I do like to read the classics from time to time,” she argued, taking the book. “And I wouldn’t consider _Wuthering Heights_ a romance; I thought you’d know better than that.” She flickered through the book, humming in agreement with the pages. “The top shelf is your grandfather’s collection, feel free to take a look, read what you want.” She then strolled back to her chair by the fire, back straight and reading lamp on, still dressed as though she were about to head to her government office than sit reading doomed romances all day.

Deciding to take her up on her offer, Ben grabbed the lavender covered book that’d been resting beside it— _Jane Eyre_. A classic. One he read numerous times and did not tire from because it simply made him think and cringe and feel more than he possibly could with each and every read.

Going against his best judgement, Ben sat in the loveseat opposite his grandmother, and read his book with coffee in hand. Sure, family members would come in within the next hour with their own talk and complaints but this moment felt…nice. Quiet companionship with his grandmother was nice.

 

* * *

 

**_Poe_ **

 

“ _Seriously_? You want to drive down to town to use the diner’s WIFI?”

Armitage shrugged was though the idea were obvious as he packed his satchel with files and his laptop. “Poe, I have a case to finish—”

“One you said you can leave to the rest of your team—”

“I only said that so you could shut up about this trip,” Armitage gritted, blue eyes focuses sharply on Poe, slicing him with the truth. “I get it—your grandfather died, you feel guilty about not going to the funeral so you are trying to make it up with this trip. Trying to make it up to _everyone_ which is quite ambitious, but exceptionally daft.”

The satchel’s clasps closed with a wincing snap. Poe slammed his eyes shut, thinking of a way to make Armitage stay because being with his family…being with his family _alone_ sucked. To field questions and be joyful, acting as though the last fifteen years of shitty words and actions meant nothing, was a new form of sadistic torture. Knowing Armitage was just a few feet or floors away calmed Poe; at least one person was in his corner in this brewing shitstorm.

Unfortunately, Poe was not a thinker, instead an action man.

And his actions were not always the best.

“Then go,” Poe declared, “Not just to the diner—get the hell out of here then.”

Armitage blinked back for a moment, lost for words.

Then a bark of laughter broke through him.

“Ah, Poe you can sure be _silly_.” With those words, Armitage grabbed his satchel and coat, heading towards the bedroom door. “I already scheduled an Uber. See you tonight.”

He then left, Poe standing in his wake.

Armitage’s footsteps faded as he went further down the hall. In a film or book, this would be the moment Poe would run after him and give the ginger a piece of his mind, tell him he needed him to be there for him and not focus on work. Tell him what he honest to god though instead of taking the excuses. However, Poe did not live in such a narrative and remained in the room, preferring to not make a scene in front of everyone even though everything inside him was telling him to _indeed_ make a scene.

Did Armitage think Poe was making a _joke_? Or worse, did his boyfriend find him to be a joke?

“Hey, Uncle Han wanted me to see if you were—oh shit, are you okay?”

Poe whipped around to find Rey standing in the open doorway. She was already dressed for the day, wearing green sweater and jeans, short hair wet and curling as it dried. Standing at the distance, she looked younger, not the easily aggravated woman he encountered the day previous. Poe had to remind himself Rey was young, in her early twenties, and hadn’t experienced the pain and compromise of relationships, the girl galivanting where ever her heart damn well pleased. The subtle revelation was both relieving and bothersome, envy crawling inside Poe at the sight of her.

“No seriously, you look pale as fuck—do you need to throw up?” She made a move for the waste basket in the corner of the room. “Because vomit is not fun and trust me, you will feel better once you get it out.”

The waste basket was then shoved in his face.

Without reservation, Poe glared at her.

“I’m fine, Rey. Get out of my room,” he grumbled, walking past her to the door.

“Fine, then,” she muttered after him, dropping the basket by the side of the bed. “Feel like shit, for all I care.” She followed after him, but continued to her room across the hall. “I just came to let you know everyone is going on a mandatory family bonding hike. Uncle Han said no exceptions, just be ready for the fresh air.”

Poe halted, dread filling his gut. “A hike? In this awful weather?”

Rey crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. “You mean this _awful_ winter weather of clear skies and cool air?” Pursing her lips she nodded. “I think you might need to double check your definition of ‘awful’.”

Childishly, Poe scowled at her. “Whatever. Someone needs to stay with Nana Paddy—”

“Leia is,” Rey answered readily, “some mother-daughter bonding time for them.” She grinned mockingly. “Looks like you’re going to need to find a hiking buddy since poor old Hux-y left you high and dry,” she whistled lowly, eyeing Poe carefully. Her eyes shined with cool pity, her gaze burning uncomfortably into his chest. “Does he do that often? Abandon you?”

Poe straightened his brown turtleneck sweater. “That’s none of your business.”

“Fine—I’m just saying being in a relationship who abandon’s you isn’t exactly the healthiest—”

“And what do you know about relationships, Rey? You’re twenty-three, never had a real boyfriend, and can barely talk to any of us, your _family_ ,” Poe reminded her pointedly. “You don’t have room to share your opinion or advice on this.”

Rey flinched, a flicker of anger as her eyes dropped to the floor.

“You’re right, I don’t,” she said picking at her nails. She didn’t paint her nails, usually too short from her biting and picking, a habit she presumably absorbed from Ben as a child.  “But I _do_ have the obligation to point out when someone is being shitty to you. But of course, it’s not like you’d listen to me.”

She pushed herself off the door frame and went into her room, shutting the door behind her.

Shaking his head, Poe made his way to the living room, hoping he’d be able to find someone to be his hiking companion who wasn’t moody mess. His best bet, miraculously, was _Han_. Throughout his life, Poe had been on plenty of hikes with his family members, Ben and Finn his most common ‘hiking buddies’. Though once his dear older brother hit puberty, Ben was impossible to keep up with, his legs and body longer and sturdier for an endurance. He’d never understand how Rey was so determined to match Ben’s stride

Taking the stairs two at a time, he barely entered the living area and sat down when the doorbell rang.

"Is anyone going to get that?" Poe asked, looking between Han and Ben who sat side by side in the living room, mirror images of each other. One leg crossed while leaning into the corner of the sofa, reading.

"You," Ben mumbled flipping the page of his book, "you're closest."

"Poe, honey, can you get that?" Leia asked, a basket of warm biscuits in her hand. She set it on the table with the jams and other quick breakfast snacks. "All of our hands are full."

Pinching his lips, Poe listened to his mother as the doorbell rang again. "I'm coming, I'm coming..." he called out as he jogged over to the entrance. The bell rang again as he opened the door. “Relax I—” All the words died in Poe’s throat at the sight of _her_.

 “Oh—Uh—Poe!” The tall, willowy woman greeted cheerfully. “I didn’t think you’d be here this year.”

Elegant as ever, even after not seeing her for nearly seven years, Amilyn Holdo still knew how to captivate him into a tongue tied fool. Her short, lilac locks were perfectly placed despite the unforgiving winds and she was bundled in a winter jacket and boots. While he never— _never in a million years_ —did anything with the effervescent Amilyn Holdo, his ridiculous school girl crush on her never faded, even after twenty-years.

“Uh, _hello_ ,” he dropped his voice lower, a part of his brain reverting back to thirteen year old Poe who wanted Amilyn just to look his way _once_ , even though she was clearly a woman. A woman closer to his mother’s age than his own, but with an ageless spirit. At least he tried to tell himself that last bit every day for the majority of his middle school years. “Hello, Amilyn—”

_“Is that Amilyn at the door?”_

Poe winced at his mother’s shouting while Amilyn shook her head good naturedly. Apparently Leia knew her dear friend was coming for the holiday and disreguarded to tell anyone…or maybe he just wasn’t paying attention due to the whoops and shouts of ‘hello’ from inside.

“Yes, Mother!” He called back to her, causing Amilyn to chuckle.

“She isn’t loosing her mind yet, is she?” she asked, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

“Not more so than usual,” he answered, leaning casually on the doorframe. “But you know my mother.”

She smiled pleasantly at him, her blue eyes darting around the front porch. Looking anywhere but him before meeting his gaze dead on, Poe freezing from the hold. “Not to intrude, but are you going to let me in?”

“Oh, uh, right.”

Poe quickly moved aside and letting Amilyn walk past, trying his best to not catch a whiff of her lavender perfume, one that caused old memories of longing to stir.

“Hello, Rey, Ben,” she greeted as she walked past the two standing in the hallway. Poe frowned at them, not sure why they’d be chatting in the hall, maybe colliding into conversation in passing. “Glad to see you two are here as well. Your grandmother must be so happy.”

“Oh, she’s something alright,” Ben muttered, shifting his book under one arm to give Amilyn a side hug. “But it’s always a joy to see you.”

Poe rolled his eyes. Ben and Amilyn had always been close, the woman his brother’s godmother.

After more hugs were exchanged, Amilyn made her way to the living room to speak with Leia and Padme, gleeful chuckles sounding through the house.

Poe could not help but watch her walk away with unadulterated fondness.

Walking past Poe, Ben shook his head at him. “Shit, you’re pathetic.” He picked up his coat from the rack and shrugged it on. “Can’t even let go of a childhood crush when your _boyfriend_ is here.” Ben grabbed his boots and made his leave, Poe glaring after him.

Rey followed after him, grabbing her own coat. “If I were you, I’d be careful with the staring. It’s a bit obvious.”

He nodded in the direction Ben left. “I’d say the same for you.”

She sneered, unamused by his taunts. “Oh, fuck off.”

Tugging her coat on she flipped him off as she left the entry way and into the living room.

He was beginning to wonder about Rey…she seemed a bit too on edge for the average holiday visit.

“Poe, aren’t you going on the hike?” Amilyn called out, Poe perking up at the sound of her voice. “We’re leaving soon.”

“Uh, yeah! Sure.” He grabbed his coat and hurried along, unable to hamper down the hope he’d be able to have Amilyn as his hiking buddy.

 

* * *

 

**_Rey_ **

 

“I’m telling you—she fucking knows,” Ben hissed under his breath as he and Rey trailed after the group. “She was weird with those questions and all the smiling and eyebrow raising…” he shivered, shifting to the side to leave at least a foot between he and Rey. “it gives me the hebe-geebees.”

“She has been around us for less than a day,” Rey argued. She shoved her hands into her coat pockets, her gloves forgotten back in the cabin. Usually she’d grab Ben’s hands to warm her own, the man a walking furnace, but their agreement made the option impossible. “I doubt Rose thinks that.”

Beside her, Ben’s mouth and eyebrows pulled taut, eyes focused on the woman of discussion about ten feet away from them. She was walking with Finn, her arm looped with his. The skip and hop in her step made it tricky for her boyfriend to keep up. However, Finn tried his best, his boisterous laughter echoing through the trail.

“I think she’s his beard.”

Ben stumbled to a stop at her declaration. A strangled, “ _Excuse me_?” found its way out of his throat, while his eyes blew wide like he had too much caffeine in a short time frame. “You can’t just someone is a beard, Rey.”

“Oh come on.” She shoved him by the arm to keep walking; they didn’t need to fall behind and try to make their way back on their own. They’d done that enough times growing up to know it was shitty experience and exhausting, not to mention the least bit terrifying to get lost in the forest. “He talks for years about this supposed girlfriend who is unbelievably wonderful and never fucking brings her around.”

Ben grunted in agreement, though it formed into a wince. “I just don’t want to claim an entire relationship is fake—”

She grabbed his forearm, pulling him back a step. Facing him, she dropped her voice low. “We saw him about to fuck Poe in this very forest—”

His wince deepened, as he continued to walk “We don’t know if they we actually going to fuck. It could have been a blowjob for all—”

Rey slapped her hands over her ears, a humming loudly over his words. Ben gently whacked her hands away, she dropping them with an eyeroll. “I don’t want to think about what they might have been doing.” Ben smirked at her disgust. “Just thinking…it’s…they’re family.”

“You can say the same thing about us.”

“But’s different.”

“Not really,” Ben tilted his head to the side, eyes darting from her to the other quarter of the group a few paces ahead. Keeping his voice low, he continued. “We were there that night doing something too—”

“But it didn’t become a thing for a few years.”

“Maybe they didn’t become thing, and it was a _one time_ thing?” Ben attempted to reason.

Rey pursed her lips, thinking over it for a moment. Finn and Poe…Poe the Hoe and Finn ‘I-Make-Heart-Eyes-At-Everyone’? They weren’t _that_ stupid to hook-up recklessly and not actually think it through, right? “I don’t believe that.”

“But a _beard_ you believe?” he implored, staring straight ahead.

Finn glanced over his shoulder at them, smiling before turning away. A loud giggle from Rose followed moments after, Finn shushing her.

It was disgustingly adorable…to the point it _had_ to be fake.

“Of fucking course—did you see that fake grin?” She turned to face Ben, walking confidently backwards. “I know Finn, he’s wanker enough to get a fake girlfriend just to look like he has his shit together.”

Reaching forward, Ben gently maneuvered her out of a large rock’s path. “You are paranoid,” he insisted, eyes roving between her and her uneven path.

Attempting to keep her balance, she held her arms out to the side. She didn’t mind how the chill air nipped at her exposed skin, a nice change from the perspiration building on her hands. “Says the man who thinks the woman he has spent less than a day with, maybe a total of an hour max—” Her foot stumbled a bit, Ben tensing at a potential fall, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “—knows his deepest hidden secret.”

“You are not my deepest hidden secret,” Ben shot back. “And stop walking backwards, you are going to trip and fall, and it is going to be pain going after you.”

She ignored his worries, her eyebrows dancing tauntingly. “I bet I can do I backflip if I really wanted to.”

“Please don’t,” he muttered, though a smile begged to break through. Clearly tired of her dangerous trek, Ben grabbing her by the shoulders and urging her to face the correct direction. His hands stayed on her for a moment, holding her firmly yet comfortingly. His left hand then moved to adjust the scarf around her neck, reverting to his natural mother-henning. A trait he claimed to not have, yet she had enough evidence to prove otherwise. “I’d rather this week not end with a trip to the emergency room.”

“Trust me if anyone is going to the emergency room, it will be your father from the amount of sugar he has consumed—I swear that man has inhaled more cookies than Santa Clause.”

Peeking over her shoulder she saw a flash of a smile on Ben’s lips— _a success_. His smiles brightened his entire face, making him years younger—boyish even—yet he rarely did so. Except around her.

“What _is_ your deepest secret?”

Her mind immediately jumped to the tucked away velvet box in Ben’s suitcase. A little box she tried not to think about all day and night. One she may have took out and held in her hand for a moment when Ben left the room early that morning.

Ben blew out a breath of hot air through his mouth, feigning thought. “Oh, I don’t know…” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, shrugging. “I don’t really keep secrets from you.” His face scrunched up in embarrassing, for not having anything to share, eyes crinkling delightfully. He chewed and puckered his lips, before shrugging helpless again. “I guess,” Rey’s heart thudded frantically in her chest, waiting for him to say something about the damn box or something about anything pertaining to what people do with things in those velvet boxes. Just _something_. “I was the one who broke my dad’s record player when I was seven. I think I blamed Chewie, but it was really me.”

“Oh,” she uttered, ducking her head down, hoping he could not decipher her disappointment. “Well, I guess that shows how usually honest you are,” she complimented, speeding up her pace. “Come on, we still have to catch up with everyone.”

She jogged forward, not bothering to look back to see if Ben was following.

Thinking about the velvet box was only going to cause trouble and Ben was putting a strong poker face. It was best for Rey to set her worries aside and focus on other matters…like Finn and Rose.

At least, that is what she tried to tell herself.

 

* * *

 

**_Finn_ **

 

“Hey, you two!” Rey greeted as she jogged up to them. She came to Rose’s side, shinning a bright smile. Finn did not appreciate the sight of it. “How’s it going?”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

Finn glanced at Rose then Rey, trying his best to remain chipper. That’s what they’d been doing for the majority of this somewhat mandatory family hike. Act like everything was okay. Not that they had an argument the night before that led to the two them laying awkwardly beside each other for the majority of the night. Somewhere around three o’clock in the morning, Rose left and didn’t come back upstairs until eight.

Thankfully, Rose grinned and bantered through the residing anger. She was perfect, again, and no batted an eyelash at them.

Well apparently except for _one_ …

“No to pry or anything,” Finn wanted to roll his eyes at the prelude, knowing Rey was to do just what she claimed not to do, “I don’t really recall how long you two have been together—two, three years?” she squinted at the two.

“Three,” Finn supplied shortly.

“Ah,” Rey nodded along, “Must be blissful if you two are still this giggly with each other after _three_ years.”

Finn leaned past Rose to meet Rey’s gaze, recognizing the sharp and inquisitive glint in her hazel eyes. “You’re point, Rey?”

Rey appeared lost on edginess of his voice, choosing to nudge Rose playfully. “It was just a comment, Finn.”  A red flag went off in Finn’s mind at Rey’s ‘relaxed’ actions—particularly the forcefulness of these actions. Growing up, Rey was not affectionate nor did she understand female culture. She didn’t have sleepovers with girls her age or understand the dynamics of friends groups and their gossip. Instead she preferred to hang out with boys and excelled in sports as well as computer classes. Rey liked to get her hands messy and run around the forest with little care as to what was expected of little girls her age. Finn could not recall a single female she had growing up. Then again, they were already growing apart in their teens, Rey too caught up in her future plans of university, traveling, and meeting new people.

And Finn? Well Finn just wanted to _escape_ and go to college.

Nevertheless, playful nudging and giddy smiles were unlike his sister.

“You know what?” Rose spoke up, looking between the two siblings. “Why don’t you two go on the rest of the hike together—it looks like you need to catch up—”

“No, it’s fine,” Finn insisted, keeping Rose’s arm tucked with his. He didn’t want to be alone with Rey and her creepy lie-detecting abilities.

Rey quirked an eyebrow at Finn, the three picking up pace as they walked through the familiar trail. “Listen to the woman, Finn.”

“Shouldn’t you be walking with, Ben? Buddy system, Rey,” he stressed.

All four of the Solo and Skywalker children had the buddy system instilled at a young age, never allowed to go wandering anywhere—the forest, the park, the mall—without a buddy. Naturally the combination only went a couple of ways, Rey and Poe never a pair unless absolutely necessary.

However, Rey and Ben were never ones to follow the rule, often running off on their own.

No shocker there.

“ _Go back to your buddy_ ,” Finn hissed.

“He’s a grown ass man, he’s fine,” Rey shot back. “Plus, I didn’t want to talk to you—I wanted to talk to Rose.” She gave another brilliant and bright, fake, smile at said woman. “I mean, three years. That’s some time, you two must be thinking about getting married—”

“Who’s getting married?” A voice asked from a couple of feet behind them. From behind, Ben came to Rey’s other side, eyeing Finn and Rose curiously, not entirely pleased at the mention of nuptials.  “Are you two getting married?”

“No!” Finn yelp without thought. From the trees surrounding them, birds flew away, Finn’s cry echoing in the air. “No, of course not.”

Rey and Ben cringed at his harsh response. Beside him, Rose kept her focus on the path— a path far too narrow for all of them to be walking through together.

“No one is getting married, Ben,” Rey said tersely, her grip tightening on Rose’s arm.

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” said Ben. He gestured to Poe a good few yards away. “Mr. Wonderful brought his boyfriend. He’s never brought anyone to meet the family. It must be serious.”

Right.

 _Poe_.

With a deep inhale, Finn found the nerve to talk about him. “Yeah…Poe seems like he likes him—uh, Armitage. That he likes Armitage, yeah.” He noticed Rose eyeing him warily, startled by his stuttering and floundering.

He needed to find his footing in this Poe mess. Especially with Rey, Ben and Rose listening with interest. Which reminds him…when the hell did Rey and Ben ever get interested in his opinions? He was the silent and forgotten one—no one gave a shit what he thought and what he did except when it wasn’t to his father’s liking.

 _Forgotten Finn_. At least, that’s what he called himself in his mind when his sister and cousins’ decided to be the chaos and the storm of both households.

“He’s a ginger haired demon,” Ben announced bluntly.

“Ben!” Rey hissed. “Shut up.”

“He is and like hell we’re going to let that dipshit into our family,” Ben grumbled.

“I highly doubt Poe would propose to him,” Rey insisted.

Finn fidgeted with his glove. “Can we not focus on his relationship?” he asked hesitantly. “Who are we to judge? It’s not like we are in that relationship—”

“But we have eyes and Armitage treats him like shit,” Rey argued. She nudged Rose. “I bet even Rose agrees.”

His friend paused, her brown eyes meeting his apologetically.

She nodded hastily. “Yes…he doesn’t necessarily treat Poe the best,” she discreetly released her arm from Finn, crossing her arms over her chest. Her jacket puffed a bit at the movement, she patting the puff down. “But Finn’s right. We don’t know the relationship. And who are to judge a relationship we don’t _know_ and _understand_?” She directed the last bit to Finn, clearly not forgetting or forgiving their little conversation the next previous about Rey and Ben.

Even with the two standing side by side, he could not see it.

Rey and Ben?

It wasn’t possible and they were slowly proving it by doing absolutely nothing.

An honest relief.

Rose smiled brightly back at Rey and Ben, neither of which responded at her level of enthusiasm.

“Let’s think of it this way,” Rose began taking a few steps ahead of the three, her hands clasped together primly, “Rey is in a relationship with someone maybe you guys disapprove of—”

“Why am I the example?” Rey interjected.

“Because we needed an example,” Rose supplied readily.

Rey pursed her lips but didn’t interrupt again.

“But she loves him very much despite it all—are you guys going to judge the man and refuse to acknowledge him, even though she is clearly happy with him—”

“Yes,” Finn answered before Rose could continued her tangle of ‘as if’s.

A firm and deep, “… _Yes_ ,” from Ben followed a second after.

Rose came to a stop. Hands on her hips, she craned up to look at him. “ _Really_?” She hardly believed him if the edging taunt of her voice were anything to go by.

Clearing his throat, Ben glanced at the group of them, all waiting for him to elaborate. His usual massive form shrank before them, appearing smaller and frailer. Ben Solo, awkward and lanky shadowed over the man, unprepared and forced to be vulnerable for an unwanted audience. For an instance, Finn felt older than Ben as he watched him struggle to find the words to speak. He felt older, yet a sense of guilt gnawed inside of him at the sight as well.

“Yes…uh, no,” he shook his head. His eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t know. And it doesn’t even matter because Rey isn’t even in a relationship. This is a stupid hypothetical situation that isn’t helping us with understanding how Poe feels or how he might want to get married to a dipshit.” His voice came out strangled and fast, the words tumbling out in a flurry. “You can’t fucking compare Rey to Poe on their relationship experiences because they are two completely different people.”

With a huff, he stalked past the group, taking long strides to catch up with the rest of the group, Han and Luke probably already making it to the end of the trail at this point.

“Buddy system, Ben!” Finn shouted to his back.

“Fuck the buddy system!” he called back, hunched into himself. He remained sure footed as he trekked down the steep path. Rey took a step forward, but remained close, not rushing after Ben as Finn expected.

That meant Ben was traveling alone, and while he was an adult and the eldest of them all, he could not let him go off on his own. Old rules and enforced habits placed in him would never release their holds on him. Going against his best judgement, Finn decided to go after Ben.

However, he underestimated the trail, weight over powering the step downward path. Unwillingly his feet picked up pace and tripped over one another, out of his control. With a skid and a less than graceful, off kilter shuffle, Finn tumbled down the path.

The world flashed by fast, Finn not realizing how quickly he was falling until he was meeting the ground with an unforgiving _thud_. Dirt, leaves, and twigs flung up from his fall, he landing roughly in he bush. Vision blurring, Finn barely recognized Ben, Rey, and Poe peering over him, concern etched on their faces.

“Are you okay? Is anything broken?”

“Shit, that was a fall.”

“Finn— _Finn_ , you need to say something—”

Deliriously, he smiled at the three and then everything went dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINN WHY YOU GOT TO FALL? And why are you so weird about the Poe thing??? What was your relationship man???
> 
> POE LIKED AMILYN GROWING UP? Yes. Yes he did and it is a crush that never faded away. More on that and her later.
> 
> And does...does Rey ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT POE? Well of course, she cares about him. They all care about each other; they just don't have the best ways of showing it. We'll get more with their parents in the next chapter.
> 
> Lot's more going on in this chapter, some even little hints ;)
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated; love discussing the fic with readers!

**Author's Note:**

> This is Reylo, but it definitely focuses on the relationships between all four of our protagonists :)
> 
> Were you able to catch some of the secrets or possible secrets our characters are keeping from their family? Or maybe how there are some aspects of their life they might be unhappy about?
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Love discussing the fic with readers!
> 
> follow me on twitter @intpslytherin97


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